To The Boy Who Used To Want Me

Subject: To The Boy Who Used To Want Me
From: Kelsi Belcher
Date: 16 Dec 2015

I wish I could tell every single person in this world that I don't miss you. But, that is just a very simply impossible task. I try to tell myself every time I see you or hear your name that you don't mean anything to me anymore. I try to move on, and be with someone who will actually appreciate me for what I do for them. But I always run right back to you.
I see you almost everyday. School. My work. We have the same friends. You even came to my birthday party last weekend. The one important day to me of all the days in the year, and you had to show your face. You had to make me cry. You had to tell me you loved me. I knew it was just the alcohol talking, I knew you didn't mean anything you said to me. You didn't even remember anything that happened.
And you constantly wonder why I feel the way I do. You wonder why I can't let you go. You wonder why I'm so attached.
You called me Monday night, "Can we talk?" I moved faster to meet you than I have ever done before in my entire lifetime. You wanted every detail of our weekend, my party. You told me you didn't remember a single thing that was said or a single thing that happened between us.. You told me you loved how close we had gotten as friends, and you just didn't want to lose that with me. You threw me into the friendzone... You took my feelings into your palms, threw them on the ground, and stomped on them right in front of my face.
The very next night you thought it would be hilarious to tell me you had been screwing my best friend behind my back this whole time. You lied, but the fact is, you know exactly how to mess with my emotions. You know the exact buttons you need to push to keep my on your leash.
What am I expected to do, I ask you. You told me, "Wait. One day I'll come back to you." You expect me to sit here, miserable, crying myself to sleep every night over you, and wait for you to decide that you want to be with me? I'm going to college next year. Even though I'm not going very far away, you're not understanding how difficult it will be if you wait that much longer or even longer than that. You think everything will be fine, you don't think I'll ever move on. Right now? That seems to be a fact. Because I am absolutely always surrounded by your face. Surrounded by our memories. Surrounded by that one mistake I made with you. The thing you have been using me for this whole time...
You had a new girlfriend a day after we broke up. She was a lot younger than I. (Even though I am a few years older than you) It just didn't seem right, fighting with a girl five grades below me over you. It didn't seem like the right thing to do, but I did it anyways. I held your hand. I kissed your lips. I loved you. I did all these things, while you were doing them behind her back. You. You. You. You broke my heart into a million pieces. And I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do.... So thank you. Thank you for teaching me that I shouldn't put my all into things. I shouldn't give my everything to someone who give me nothing. Thank you for making me love you. All I ask for is just that last one more chance with you.....