So, I’ve never been a person who gets involved in arguments on the internet; it seems to me that most people are so entrenched in their own viewpoint that nothing is going to change it, so why bother? Recently however, something that really hits home for me has become a topic of discussion and I feel I really need to speak my mind. Before I do however, I feel I should introduce myself, let you get to know me a little.
Hello, my name's Bill. I'm a pretty average white Canadian male. I love hockey, like baseball and am fairly indifferent to football. I love cars, I raced stock cars for a number of years, and while I wasn't in any danger of being recruited to Nascar, I managed to win a handful of races before giving it up a few years ago. I have a decent job, I'm certainly not rich, but I get by. About two years ago I met a woman. An attractive, funny, intelligent woman, who also loves hockey (cars and racing not so much, but I suppose you can't have it all). I managed to work up the nerve to ask this woman who seemed out of my league on a date, and, shockingly, she agreed. One date led to another and another and as we spent more and more time together, I began to realize I was hopelessly in love with this woman. Shockingly again, it turned out she felt the same way. Eight months ago we moved in together. Things were a little lean at first as she had to find a job after relocating, but eventually she found work and so we've settled in. We're much the same as any couple: we worry we have enough money to pay our bills every month while still being able to go out occasionally as well as travel to visit our respective families, but it all works out. We sometimes argue but we always make up. All in all we're pretty happy.
So here's where things become a little less "average”; my girlfriend is transgender. What does that mean? It means that the beautiful woman I love was born a male. It means that the beautiful woman I love never felt comfortable in her own skin. She spent a long time wondering why, and what was wrong with her. She had no way of knowing why she felt like she did; 1990's small town Canada wasn't a wealth of information on transgender issues. As she has told me, "The only place I ever saw people like me was on Jerry Springer". When she tried mentioning how she felt to her mother, she was brushed off; it's not that her mother isn't a good woman, or that she doesn't love her child, it's something she was unprepared for and had no experience with, and as such didn't know how to deal with. Unfortunately being "different" also meant she had to deal with abuse, both mental and physical. "I was beat up just for being myself" she says. Faced with this, she did what I've since learned many transgender kids do; she hid her true self. She grew a goatee, wore baggy clothes, acted like, as she put it, a "gangsta", all in an effort to hide the fact that she felt like a woman inside. All of this led to other issues though, anxiety, depression, the thought that she would never be who she knew she truly was. Eventually she could take no more; "I either had to live openly as a woman, or kill myself". Thankfully she chose the former option, found a cheap room to rent in the city and began her transition. I can only imagine, never really know, how much courage that took. She'd been faced with the hate and prejudice already, when there were only rumors; to confront that anyway, to come out to the world as a woman, shows her incredible inner strength and bravery, two of the many things I love about her.
Okay then, now that I’ve told you a little about myself and my life, this brings me to the issue I want to talk about. Lately in the news and especially on the internet, there’s been a lot of talk about transgender people, their rights, and what some people unfortunately see as those rights somehow infringing upon their own. As I’m sure anyone reading this is aware, the state of North Carolina recently passed a law stating, among other things, that people must use the washroom based on the gender on their birth certificate. As such, any transgender person who has not had gender reassignment surgery is no longer able to use the washroom of the gender they identify with; so under this law very feminine women will be using the men’s room while very masculine men are using the women’s. This has been gone over countless times elsewhere, so while I personally feel this is unbelievably absurd, there’s no point rehashing all that here and now. What I do think is worth discussing is people’s reaction to this. There’s been the (unfortunately predictable) responses from a few bigots, labelling trans people as “freaks” and claiming they don’t deserve any rights. There’s been the response from the religious right, claiming trans people are somehow an affront to God, some even stating transgender is simply a figment of people’s imagination. These aren’t the people I want to address; nothing I have to say is going to change their view of the situation. The ones I would like to speak to are the ones who say they have nothing against transgender people, they fear if trans people are allowed to use the washroom of their chosen gender, some could take advantage of that to pose as transgender to gain access to washrooms for nefarious purposes. I will take you at your word. I believe you are decent people, genuinely concerned about putting innocent people, mostly children, at risk. Please hear my argument then.
First of all, for those who will say this was never an issue before, why are trans people pushing for it now, you are correct. This never was an issue, everyone used the washroom they chose, trans women and men urinated alongside non trans women and men and everyone got along fine. It wasn’t until folks like the Governor of North Carolina felt the need to actively discriminate against transgenders that this became an issue. But back to the issue at hand.
Unfortunately there will always be some in this world who prey upon the weak and innocent; this law will not change that. There are already laws in place against sexual assaults; a sign on a door isn’t going to stop someone who wants to commit this crime. As far as making it easier for a man to gain access to a woman’s washroom, this is really a red herring. If a man wants to dress as a woman to get into a woman’s washroom right now, what is stopping him? In fact, this law could make it easier for a man to get into the women’s washroom; all he’d have to do is say he’s a trans man and so has to use the women’s washroom. No need to dress differently, just walk in. The fear that any man can now just stroll into the women’s room at will, saying they identify as a woman is also a little misguided. Keep in mind most transwomen have faced bigotry, abuse and discrimination; the last thing they want is to invite more. Most transwomen will only use the women’s room if they feel they can “pass” as a woman. I don’t know a single transwoman who would enter the women’s room dressed as a man. So if a bearded man wants into the women’s washroom, I think that would raise a few red flags. From what I’ve seen recently if a man is trying to get into the women’s room, it’s far more likely he’s from a right wing, “family values” group trying to “prove” a point than he’s an actual sexual predator. It’s entirely understandable to be concerned about your children; I think it’s also entirely reasonable for a parent to keep an eye on their child. Good parenting is the biggest step in keeping your child safe. Sorry if that came off as preachy, I’m not implying you aren’t a good parent, just that you can go a long way in assuring your child’s safety. And since I believe you are a good person, ask yourself, is it really fair that some innocent people should suffer because of what a few may do?
Because make no mistake about it, that is what these laws will do. Make trans people suffer. Put someone who has done absolutely nothing wrong in harm’s way. Force someone to face ridicule and abuse because of what you fear someone else may possibly do. I’m willing to guess that a lot of you have had no exposure to transgender people. That probably makes it easier to put their concerns aside. I’m not judging, that’s understandable. I do know a few trans people. I can tell you some of them are the finest people you could ever meet. Conversely some are kind of jerks. The vast majority however are just like you and I, normal people trying to live a normal life. What I would ask is that you take a bit of time and try to educate yourself on the transgender life. No one “chooses” this life. No one does it as a lark because they think it will be fun. No one is transgender because, as one woman I saw comment on a Facebook post, dressing as a woman makes it easier to pick up girls. For most, coming out as transgender is a decision they agonize over, certainly nothing taken lightly. I’d ask you to research violence against transgendered people. Look at the suicide rate among transgender. I’ll give you that one: over 40% of trans people have attempted suicide.( Now before you think that it’s something in the transgender mind that leads to suicidal thoughts, a study showed that trans people with strong family or social support were 82% less likely to attempt suicide. Further, trans people who can easily “pass” were no more likely to attempt suicide than the rest of society. So essentially, when treated no differently than anyone else, transgender people function just fine; when faced with abuse and discrimination, some find life an unbearable struggle). Check the murder rate of transgendered people. Look up the rate of unemployment (and underemployment) of trans people. Google Gwen Araujo. Or Brandon Teena. Or Leela Alcorn. All tell a heart breaking story of a life cut tragically short. These are just some high profile examples, there are unfortunately many more.
My girlfriend often tells me I see the world through rose coloured glasses, I want to believe people are better than they are; I don’t believe that’s true. I believe most people are decent at heart. So I’m asking you, please don’t prove me wrong. Take some time to see things from a transgendered perspective and I believe you’ll change your mind. I believe you’ll see these are people who only want to live a happy life, with the same dreams as anyone else. I believe you’ll see they deserve that happy life, the chance to realize those dreams, just as we all do. I believe you’ll see that these are people who have unfortunately been discriminated against and marginalized throughout their lives, and that they don’t need to be further discriminated against by being made to use the wrong washroom, or further marginalized by being forced to use a third washroom as some suggest. But above all else, I believe you’ll see they are people; not something to be feared, not something to be angry about, just people like anyone else. Please, please, let’s end the discrimination, the pointless hate and unfounded fears right here, right now. I know you are a big enough person to do it.
