6 months of life

Subject: 6 months of life
From: I'm finally learning
Date: 7 Dec 2015

What is your definition of pain?
Is it getting that call? At 10am? Or how about the second call at 7pm?
It's not painful enough to lose one to surprise. How would you feel after 2?
It's a week before your 18th birthday. But, you know what's worse? It's a week before your brother's 16th and his dad can't show him how to shift into reverse.
How would you feel, looking your baby brother in the eyes and explaining that he can not say goodbye. The man who made him 16 years prior does not get to see him become a man because of a bike with a faulty wire.
Or how about the feeling when you realize you are showing remorse to your bosses children for the loss of their father that morning and they show remorse for the loss of your father that evening.
How would you feel when your mother drinks herself to sleep? Not just for a week! For 6 long months it has been, that much vodka should have grown her a pair of fins.
Keep in mind you are 18, did you forget graduation? Everyone else did. The last 2 weeks of school were missed. Graduation? It was just crying that your dad wasn't there and your mom is too drunk to remember. There is no party, we have funerals to pay for. Forget that you even planned a birthday party.
It's okay, you get to go to everyone else's and drink the pain away.
Screw that! You will end up just like your mother. Oh? What's that? Your mom forgot your two sisters exsist. Step up.
You have to get a new job, even though your boss/best friend passed away on that day too.
How do you feel about the pain right now?
Well add ontop the new job is being a nanny. You raise other peoples kids.
Surprise, you were rapped at a party.
Then you have a miscarriage, you have to look those kids in the eyes and know you never got a chance with your own. Okay? More?
Next you meet a boy, and abortion surely comes and again you think, why couldn't I keep it?
The boy leaves and hurts you, of course.

By now, you are numb.
Do you know what comes next?
Suicide was not the answer. Too bad you tried. You survived.
There must be a reason to go on.
You readjusted your eyes.
The kids you raise are your life, your sisters now live with your aunt, you reenrolled in college.
You are on your way.

Welcome to my life.