I could never tell you these things, or anyone for that matter. I'd lose everything I have and so would you.
When you checked in, I wasn't even here. I was at home spending time with the man I thought I was in love with. The one that I thought would stop my tears when something or someone made me cry. The one I thought I could share whatever with...when you checked in, I had no intention or reason to meet you. When I came into work that Friday everything changed.
I've been really down the last couple of weeks. I've been on the verge of possible suicide. Although I'm not completely sure where I would've ended up, I know you stopped it from happening. You came down to the desk and although you were obnoxious and kind of foul - something about you stopped me in my tracks. Your smile and your voice, that tan skin and the way your hair was so perfectly aligned with your face. Something was just perfect. I couldn't get enough of your jokes and cracks. I thought you were perfect.
The night went on and I didn't have the courage to meet you outside like you'd asked me to. I didn't think you were serious. I come from a place in my heart where I am damaged. There is always something wrong with me. I don't find anything about myself attractive. The way you looked at me though, made me understand completely that I was wrong. I would catch your eye and you didn't even have to say it. I felt like I was beautiful.
We talked back and forth, I must've smoked 13 cigarettes trying to find an excuse to stand outside while you and your friends were out there. You were so mesmerizing. My shift came to an end and I had to leave. You all but followed me to my car. I had to stop you and get home - or else I was in trouble in more ways than one.
I started to drive and couldn't help but to keep my eyes fixed on the rear view. I opened up my phone and found the name on Facebook that I'd spent all afternoon staring at in the computer for your room number. It was a chance that I was willing to take - I sent you my number. that's it. Not thirty seconds went by and you were ringing my phone. My heart lept out of my chest. I hadn't felt something like that in years. You gave me butterflies. I liked it.
See the problem was, I had a husband at home. I'd learned through the evening that you had a girlfriend and kids at home...yet you still pursued me.
You texted me, I texted you. As soon as I got to work that next day you were in my phone and at the desk quicker than I could let you know I was there. That night went on much like the one before, but with much less time with your friends and a little more with just the two of us. You were making me melt. Every time you said "oh my" or giggled it drove me insane. After all of that, I still had zero courage. Between my nerves and the amount of nicotine I consumed that night - I puked.
I went and brushed my teeth and we didn't miss a beat. You asked me to come up at the end of my shift. I didn't think I could. Risk everything? No way. 15 minutes before I was to clock out, I found myself knocking on your door and sneaking in. You smelled like a cloud in heaven. You looked at me like you'd never seen another woman in your life. The nervousness and the trembling that I experienced was magical. It was invigorating. It was electric. You kissed me. It led to other things. The touch of your skin was the most erotic thing I've ever felt. I could feel the beginning of facial hair growing and the softness of your back. From then on out even without an exciting climax, everything was bliss.
Today you checked out. It was really hard for me to deal with. We haven't talked much since that night because we both knew today was coming. We knew it'd be hard. It was harder than I'd imagined. You barely looked at me and I couldn't look at you. This is the first time I've gotten any of it off my chest. I just wanted to tell you, you're a dream come true. One day, I really do think I'll find you again.
Until next time, have a beer for me.
