Pete,
Your face flashes through my mind. Your eyes, your smile, the way you looked at me…these thoughts won’t go away. Then come the feelings. Feelings of hope, love, excitement. Abruptly the feelings dissipate and are replaced with sadness, grief, and an awful dull burning persists in the pit of my stomach…knowing I was wrong and wishing I knew then what I understand now. The days pass by, but the thoughts and feelings are so poignant, it’s as if it was just yesterday. I understand now, I see. You were the first man who truly loved me, and I didn’t see it…I didn’t understand, because I didn’t know what love was. I screwed it up, I screwed everything up. I thought you were like the rest, that you only wanted me for one thing. I was wrong. You did love me, and now that I know it’s too late. While you were loving me I was wrestling with my own demons and insecurities, and to make it worse I took them out on you. It’s fourteen years later and we are still in contact. I thank God that you still reach out and I pray that maybe, just maybe, God will push you to give me a chance. I know I hurt you and I understand that taking a chance is a huge risk, but if you can find a little trust in me, please grab onto it and let’s take a chance. You’ve seen my life through the years and you know it takes me a long time to get it, and I get it Pete. I needed to put this out there for you to see, in case there is any possibility of us giving “US” a chance. Perhaps we are in the positions we are in, because we are meant to find each other again and this time to see it through. Either way, I’m happy that you loved me, because I know that I am worth something. If you believe the risk is bigger than the reward, I understand. Know that I will always be here for you and if you want to take a risk, I will take this risk with you…packing, moving, I will risk it all for any chance of love and happiness with you.
Always,
~Kimberly
