I need to write this letter
Because I'm happy now and nobody likes it when you bring up the past.
Not my past.
I need to write this because you're in prison now.
You're in prison because you tried to kill your wife.
You strangled her almost to death.
A woman who so easily could have been me.
Only a year and a half ago.
I need to write this because you thought it would be okay to call me from jail even though we hadn't spoken in over a year.
Maybe you thought I'd bail you out like last time, and the time before that.
But those times were different.
This time I don't love you.
And it's not me that you hurt.
So I dont get to decide that you're not guilty.
I need to write this because you thought that I'd pay a whole three dollars to hear your voice from jail.
Even if I wanted to I couldn't.
We both know I don't use my card anymore.
I know I was always that one. The one who never left no matter what. But I'm not anymore.
I need to write this because I have let go, but a part of me still feels like I'm holding on. To what? I don't know.
I still talk to your mom. And I go to your brothers concerts. But we never talk about you.
I need to write this because I am in a relationship of a short 7 months as opposed to 4 years.
But I don't cry anymore.
I don't have bruises anymore.
And he kisses my scars.
I wrote this because I needed closure. To tell myself it's over and I don't need to feel the things you made me feel anymore. I'm glad we are where we are. And I'm glad it wasn't me.
