Dear exbestfriend,
What happened. You always made me feel so bad. You kinda make me want to go back in time. I want to know you again. Not putting all my love on you. Would you even care if I died. I’m better without you.
You once made me happy. Now I hate to see your name. Even now when I think of you I’m disputing on thinking of “good” memories and hating your for hurting me. I don’t think you were fake but you weren’t 100% real either. I hope someday you have a friend like yourself.
I didn’t lose a friend. I realized I never hade one. If it weren’t for you, I might still give my heart easily to anyone I can hold onto. But now, I know better. We can’t force friendship, just like we can’t force love. Instead of losing myself to be the best friend for you, I choose me now.
I learned to say “No” to things I don’t feel comfortable with. Best friends can keep their boundaries, and there is a fine line between asking for help and being manipulative. And unfortunately, you were sometimes the best puppet-master.
I won’t forget the laughter and joyful moments we had together. I would also remember all the tears you had brought me. You never have a real friend, and maybe that’s why you don’t know how to be one. Thank you for actually turning me into the person I am today. You proved not all smiles are real. Now I don’t trust anyone. You were not what I thought you were.
Having you as a friend felt like hugging a cactus. The more I hugged the more pain I was given. You lied to me. Made me feel like you cared about me. But you obviously don’t. Sometimes I get the erge to talk to you. Then I remember your not the same person anymore. You make me want to cry.
I've wondered for a while whether I should write this or whether I should just let things be. You've gotten new friends, a new girlfriend, and a whole new outlook on life. I have too.
For all I know you're completely happy with where you are in life and if that is the case then I'm happy for you. I think about you often. Daily as a matter of fact. I feel as if our friendship was rightfully ended but then again I wish you knew.
We were such different people that our friendship didn't make sense to anyone else. But, it made perfect sense to us and that was all that mattered.
We were never as strong as we thought. We were simply leaning on each other because we were all each other had.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all lies and bad times. Heck... We had fun didn't we? How many times do you think we laughed til we cried? The videos we always made were classic... I can't delete them.. It helped that you never went to sleep. Have you forgotten?
I need to apologize to you. I should have told you I ended it.
I've been harboring resentment against you that I should have let go long ago. So, I want you to know that I'm thankful for the part you played in my life. I'm thankful for jamming sessions and you trying your darnedest to teach me how to dance. I'm thankful for the people we hung around with, because every single one of them taught me a lesson. I'm thankful for the corny jokes.
We don't talk anymore... Maybe it's best that way. But, it's crazy to me how we went from inseparable to separated just like that. I'm crying writing this. Not so much because I regret our friendship, but because I wish that neither of us had to go through what we went through. It changed both of us drastically. Maybe... Just maybe that's why we're not friends anymore. Because we're two different people now.
Different or not. Thank you for the part you played in my life. I will always remember every time we cried together and laughed together. Because, there was a time when you were my lifeline and because of you I'm who I am today.
I’m crying writing this realizing how terrible of a friend you were and how kind you acted. I hope someday in another life we could be friends. Us being different people.
Best,
Ex besti
