Dear douche bag,
There is so much I want to say to you I don't even know where to start, I suppose the beginning would be best.
You were my first everything, my first boyfriend, my first love, my FIRST, my first heartbreak. I gave you everything when you had nothing. I remember when I first met you and you were a lost little boy at the age of 14, you were looking for so much. Somehow I thought you were everything, I was amazed and excited at finally being noticed, finally being wanted by someone. I was just a young naive girl who wanted to save "the lost boy". I wanted to be your light in the dark. I convinced my mom to take you into our home when you had no where to go. She fed, clothed you, gave you a roof over your head, heck she even gave you spending money and at one point she even went to court for you. I gave you so many positive things in your life, so many positive opportunities but in the end you shit all over them.
It was one thing to walk all over me and take advantage of me but what you did to my mom when she did so much for you when she didn't have to. Who does that? Is that how you repay someone? I guess to you it is. You stole from her, not just money but her cards too. You let your friends destroy her house when we were moving and you let them destroy our property. You said horrible things about her, you even sent her picture around on the internet.
I was always putting you first, your needs and what you wanted. I didn't know any better and I let you take advantage of me. I was always loyal to you, or atleast until found out you cheated on me or when you decided that we weren't together anymore for whatever reason suited you best at the time. That's right, I found your messages to other girls. I even found out about you cheating on me the first time. I remember how hurt I was, you broke my heart. I couldn't understand why and I still can't. You made me cry, you cheated on me with a girl you met while you were in the psych ward...honestly that should have been enough to tell me to turn and run the other way and never look back. But no I had too big of a heart and was a pushover, I let you back in and forgave you. Everytime. Everytime it hurt to find out, it made me think a little bit less of myself.
Whenever I was close to getting away you would pull me back promising you would change, that it would never happen again and you loved me so much. I believed you, I was just a silly stupid girl for ever forgiving you. I never learned my lesson. I was there for you when you were at your lows, when you wanted to give in, I brought you back or maybe I never did and you just let me think I did.
I only ever cheated on you twice EVER, the first time was when I was 18 and I had found you sending dirty pictures to one of your exes and messages to her. It just happened, he was older and made me feel good about myself that I was beautiful and special and honestly it was only a kiss. Just a week after that I went out with a girl friend and you lost it, you hit me with all your strength. I was told I was lucky I turned my head or you could've done serious damage at that angle. That was another red flag I ignored about you and eventually forgave. The next day my mother made you leave and you begged and cried for my forgiveness. The second time was years later with your best friend, now let me explain why. There were a number of reasons for us both: 1. You cheated on me and lied to my face about it. 2. You slept with his girlfriends more then once. 3. You stole from me. 4. I was done with you. 5. You cheated again and lied. 6. You were always lying to me. 7. He made me feel wanted when you didn't. 8. Well it was for my own satisfaction, I finally did something i wanted after a long time of denying myself. 9. It was freeing, I finally broke away from your chains.
Anyways back to before when we were young, you Left and you told me you needed someone who was there for you, who gave you their all...even after I forgave you for hitting me. I took a big step and finally moved to the big city to be with you all by myself. I got a job, struggled with my rent and bills and eventually met someone all through that I was still hoping that I'd be with you in the end. So I broke my own moral code and asked you over one night even though I knew you had a girlfriend. Weeks later after I said yes to being his girlfriend and gave up on you wanting me back I receive a late night hysterical call from you begging me to deny sleeping with you to your girlfriend because you loved her...you destroyed me with that confession and I broke down. I never denied it to her I fact even when she messaged me I couldn't bring myself to I felt horrible and apologized to her.
Now fast forward, I was pregnant and my then boyfriend accused me of cheating on him with you and I never denied it because while I may not have physically I did emotionally. I never got over you even if I never spoke to you. He broke up with me and you found out I was pregnant. You told me you wished they were yours...so I have you the chance to be a father. Now that I look back I realize how stupid of a decision that was, you treated me like dirt while I was pregnant. You didn't even consider us together while I still did. You cheated on me and lied. When the twins finally came you just barely made it and told me that I had to give them your last name or you wouldn't be their father and your family would never accept them. I was stupid for giving them your last name or even putting you on the birth certificate. It will always be my biggest regret. You never stayed, for the first 2 years of their life you didn't even live with us. You visited from time to time or made me feel bad for not coming to see you. When you finally did move in with us, now i loosely term that because you left a lot back to the city or to your grandpas it was only because you had no where else to go. You didn't pay rent or bills you just squatted in my house basically. You got drunk, high and partied with my sisters friends. You would then come home at all hours of the night angry that I wasn't happy with you or that I wouldn't have sex with you. You would yell at me you would tell me horrible things that made me feel worthless and threatened but all the while I still loved you and continued to forgive you in hopes it would get better. Then I found out you cheated on me...-again but this time was different it fractured something inside me and I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I waited for months until I found friends who helped me realize I was worth something without you, that I didn't need you and deserved better. I wanted you gone but you never left. Once you even got angry at me in the car with one of our daughters I the back, you screamed at me and threw my cell at the windshield spidering it. Then not too long after that even though we had broke up you refused to accept and leave, I slept with someone else finally doing something for myself. You lost it on me and in one big explosion you finally left. After that I had a summer of finding myself and doing stuff for myself for the first time, sure I made mistakes but I regret nothing. I even met someone better, someone who treats me and my daughters like we should be.
Oh yes there's a subject I haven't even got to! Geeze there is so much to say I got lost in talking about you and me instead of all of us!
Now about our daughters...
I don't even want to call them our daughters when you have done nothing. You were never there when they were babies and I had to get up at 3 am to make their bottles or to soothe them. My mom was. I was the one who took them to the doctor to get their shots and made them feel better after. I was, and am the one who feeds and clothes them and always have. I paid the bills and kept a roof over their head. It was me who I was sleep deprived for the first year of their lives. I'm sorry but sending a $1250 total ever to us is not child support. I'm the one who cut my maternity leave off early because I had to and started working full time again so I could support my girls. I do so much for them, I worked long hours and extra days just so I could afford the extra things for them and maybe get myself something nice too. But they have always come first, I have suffered through being called a bad mom because I'm the one who was always out working I never had time to be home. My family was the one who spent the most time with them. I couldn't even trust you to watch them you were too busy getting high or drunk, getting high always came first.
It's been 3 years now since I left you. You can't even tell me what they like and don't like now. You nothing about them other then what my family tells you because they still consider you part of the family and a good guy. You don't know which of them likes peanut butter on their toast and who likes jam. You don't know what shows they love or even their shoe size. You know nothing. You don't know how my relationship with my family has suffered because of you. You can't even be mature enough to contact me about them anymore because I have a new baby with my long term boyfriend of 3 years.
I realize now you are nothing but an immature, little boy. You let drugs get the best of you and destroy your life. You have no sense of priority and are selfish. You use and manipulate everyone around you and you don't even realize it. I shouldn't have let you ever drag me down. You made me feel worthless, like no one could love me but you. You made me feel ugly inside and out.
Threw it all I have never said bad things you to our girls. I just don't mention you anymore. I've never tried to keep them from you till now when you don't deserve to be in their lives anymore. I tried to keep you in it, I would text and ask if you wanted to see them but you were always busy getting high with your friends and now your chances are gone. I am done. You don't deserve those two amazing little girls.
I, we were the best things you ever had and you lost us. You took us for granted and walked all over me. You were my world and gave you my all, I gave you children and you don't even step up to be their dad. You are worse then a deadbeat dad because you chose to be their father and have done nothing a parent should besides being their in name. You are nothing but a social media father. I could write so much more but it feels like there is no end. I hope your happy with your new girlfriend and the lies you feed her about me.
Sincerely your "crazy" ex.
