To my Molester:
I have hated you since I was six years old. You looked at me and preyed upon me. You played on my shyness and quiet nature. You touched me without my permission and haunted my every waking moments. You made me fearful and doubtful of everyone I came into contact with. You told me I was nothing and nobody cared to lure me and you devoured my innocence and crippled it.
You looked past me when others were around and then still kept me in your sights. I could not even be a child because you would follow every footstep I made. You stared at me and made me uncomfotable, made my skin crawl, made my stomach nervous, and made me numb. I wasnt even developed, hadn't even saw anyone's body except for my own. I always thought I wish he would bother someone else, but I wouldnt want that inflicted on another.
I always thought why me? I wasn't special and I didn't give you any advances to make you think I wanted your disgust. Then I said "Damn, I was only six". There is no reason because you have the problem not me. It was time for me to let myself off of the hook. I always thought what could I have done different, but nothing would have changed that outcome. I wish I would have seeked therapy or counseling so I could have dealt with it instead of being defensive, angry, depressed, and suicidal.
You didn't break me even though I got a few cracks I am still visible. I would love to think that you never did this again, but you are sick so I can only pray. Twenty-seven years I have dealt with this, my family has dealt with it, and now my husband. I say now,no more I detach myself from your hold and take myself back. I forgive you, because if not then I shall die and not so much physically but emotionally. I can't allow myself to live in that pit, because I now have a child and I need to come out of my despair to protect him.
I hope my son never has to feel that type of damage, because i felt that for almost thirty years. I don't want to be the victim anymore, that role does not suit me anymore. I am a survivor and I will never be ashamed to let people know that I conquered and survived being molested. I no longer seek your apology or justification because it does not complete me. My completions come from loving my family, protecting my son, and bringing awareness to sexual assault and abuse.
S
