you’re the most beautiful person ive ever met.
some people may disagree, or tell me that im wrong; a liar. though it’s funny to me.
all my life, the only thing i cared about was other people’s opinions of me. what i wore, what i believed, or even how right or wrong i was.
but when i met you, and fell in love with you, my views changed. my morals changed. now, one can tell me that my views on you are wrong. but why should i care? because i know they have no clue just how many things there are to love.
every day i learn knew things about you, and it allows my imagination to soar. but who am i to complain?
because every single thing about you is so captivating to me.
your eyes, your hair, your lips, even the imperfections on your body that you may not believe are capable of being captivating.
and it’s not just things on the outside, either.
i admire your laugh, and the way it soothes my brain in all that it is. your voice, and the way it causes me to hide a shy smile behind a screen. i wonder if you know how much you do to me, when you’re just being yourself. your jokes, your personality, and all your flaws, too.
it enthralls me beyond measure.
if only i could admire them in person. experience your beauty and imperfections before my own two eyes, and express my love for every inch of it.
id treat you so gently, so fragile that you fully know that you deserve to be cared for with gentle hands.
i can only describe the different ways i desire to express how large my love is for you.
i’d kiss every spot on your body, whether it be tender or rough. my lips are merely a faucet, waiting to dispense all my love till it runs empty. then once it refills, i’d helplessly release it all again.
i’d hold you in my arms, and stroke your hair until sleep embraced you as tightly and as securely as i would.
because that would bring me utter and genuine happiness.
today, i want you to know that you captivate me beyond belief.
i love you to the moon and back
1/20/22
•
sometimes, i imagine a life where there’s not a screen between us.
it may sound cheesy, it may sound unrealistic. but when you love someone so much, and long to be by their side physically and mentally more than anything else, dreaming of things you can’t have in the present becomes natural.
i know i never tell you exactly what i imagine, but i will now, just because it’s your special day
before anything else, i like to imagine the build up to how it happened.
‘it’ being the life i envision with you, as embarrassing as it is to admit sometimes. as much as i cherish what we have now, i’ll selfishly admit that imagining your every move, your every sound, every single thing you could possibly do.. and to be there to witness it, is something i want.
it normally goes something like this:
i first imagine meeting you for the first time without a phone separating us. we’d have to start somewhere, wouldn’t we? we’d both be shy, at least for the first few hours. but that wouldn’t matter, because as soon as i saw you, i’d be the happiest person to walk the face of the earth.
and i know for a fact i’d cry. of course the good type of cry, though.
we wouldn’t be held back by parents, or by a screen. it would just be us.
and so we’d go together, and eventually get a house or apartment or something.. don’t ask me how.. the best part of the imagination is that there doesn’t need to be a reason for everything!
part of me imagines it to be a really big house, so that way we could have a whole part for cats, but it would be far enough away so it wouldn’t mess with your allergies. but something about a tiny home seems more comfortable to me?
and that’s only the beginning.
the thought of getting to be by your side at night and awaken with you in the morning, to listen to your breathing and pull you close to me in peace.. it’s something i can only hope and long for.
because you’re my sunshine, and the warmth that comes from you and me alike would leave me so helplessly overjoyed to be by your side.
and when you have nightmares; when the sleep doesn’t come easy, i’ll continue to be your moon and illuminate the darkness around you.
because you deserve to not be left alone in the dark.
id imagine us doing stupid things, like dancing in the living room while we blare music, of trying our best to slow dance, but we end up a mess, because who really knows how to slow dance?
we’d eat together, grow together, smile together, cry together, and we’d love one another until our bodies grew sore.
but it would all be okay, because in the end, it was with you.
today, i want you to know that even though things seem impossible, if you can dream and imagine, you can obtain and have.
i love you forever and always
1/21/22
•
things aren’t perfect.
you’re not perfect, i’m not perfect, we aren’t perfect.
but it doesn’t mean that we aren’t continuously aspiring to be that way.
sometimes, i fear for the worst. you know this, maybe even better than i do. it’s not intentional, it’s not on purpose.
i fear that i’ve made you upset, or made you uncomfortable. i worry, most of all, that i’m replaceable. your love for me is as bright as the rays of light you produce, but when you stare at the sun for long enough, you start to become blind.
and even if you don’t express your fears as often as i do, i know you worry about those things too. you worry that you blind yourself to your own love, and mine, too.
sometimes we both lack reassurance.
and i recently realized that even though it’s okay to, no one should have to ask for reassurance.
it should come naturally, at times, and it should be as sweet and calm as it goes.
so, i’ll take it upon myself to reassure you this time. but if you ever do feel like you desperately need to be reminded of my love for you; when your brain is hesitating, tell me, my love.
you may be my sunshine, but the sun doesn’t always shine where we can see it, does it?
so,
i love you with every ounce of my body, yuki mor.
i love your good, your bad, and the in between. i’ll love you no matter what, no matter what good or bad things you may do.
the amount of affection i give to you, yuki, no one else receives from me. it’s all preserved for you, and you only.
and though we have moments of uncertainty and fear, that won’t ever change.
sometimes the weight of what it means to love someone settles on my head, and it leaves me defenseless.
loving someone, and knowing you could lose them and the love you have for them is a very scary thing.
but i won’t ever let that prevent me from cherishing you and loving you for as long as i can.
i promise you that, if nothing else.
today, i want you to know that even through the hesitance and uncertainty you or i may experience, my love and affection will always belong to you.
i love you with every beat of my heart
1/22/22
•
i love the way i feel when i’m in your presence.
i love being wrapped up in the way you care for me, like a warm blanket being rested over my shoulders.
because you treat me like royalty, like your princess, and it leaves me yearning for more every single time. i would give anything and everything in my power to experience it every second of every day.
you leave me in awe at everything you do, from the way you speak over the phone to the way you write, carefully carving out words from your imagination and engraving them into a story. i can’t begin to express how it clutches my heart and shakes it around, reminding me of how lucky i am to be with you from dusk till dawn.
sometimes, it’s hard for me to express to you how i feel, even if i could say it over and over millions of times.
because even then, it’s not everything I genuinely want to show you and give you.
sometimes, words just don’t do the trick, do they?
but when you love someone, and there’s a screen between you both, words are all that we’ve known for what feels like forever.
and it’s nerve wracking, contemplating whether or not to say that one word over a call.
to ponder about if you should say something a certain way, or not even say it at all.
using your voice is difficult, even more so than wording your feelings online.
so!
that’s why i just wanted to tell you that..
https://voca.ro/13glIv9EMeQH !!!
1/23/22
•
sometimes, i feel lonely without you.
i’m not that social of a person. i don’t have many friends, and it’s hard to talk to people… which you know me, and you know this.
but you, my love, were an exception.
you spoke to me even when no one else did, when other people thought i was too quiet or too introverted.
you showed me how to let new people enter my life without fear, even when the unknown is the scariest entity in the entire universe.
but that doesn’t mean it’s still not difficult. to have someone, you, so close to me, yet be so far away from everyone else around you.
because when you go away, i’m quiet again. i have nothing to say. i lay around, doing everything yet doing nothing, because I have nothing to do except things for myself.
it’s unusual, having to find the energy and effort to put into yourself at times, especially when loneliness is something that i dread.
but it only inspires me to look up to you, to want to be as free and social as you are, and make as many friends as you do without hesitance. even when it is hard.
but along with that, distance is good, i believe. it tightens connections, it deepens fondness, and most of all, it makes the time we have together even more precious.
the only thing i want for you is for you to be happy, my sweet yuki.
and i know that having others in your life brings you that happiness, and when you’re happy, i feel it inside of me, too.
you may feel differently, or believe it makes me feel bad.
but you need to believe me with this!!
as long as you’re happy, entertained, and feeling your absolute best, just know that i am the happiest girl alive right beside you.
even if i express that happiness in my own little solitary bubble, hehe
this was a bit more solemn tonight, but it doesn’t mean that it takes away from the authenticity of it.
and it doesn’t change the fact that i love you
because i love you to infinity and beyond
1/24/22
•
if you couldn’t tell by now, i’ve been writing one of these little things for you every night when i get in bed.
when i first had the idea, i quickly brushed it away. im no writer, im far from being good with words, and im nowhere near as talented as others are.
but the more i thought about it, the more it began to seem appealing.
I could shower you in affection and attention, take you on a lantern rite date, spend time with you, and then give you this.
of course, along with a few other things mixed in there too!
some people may call it too much, and maybe it is, but i want to give you everything you deserve on this day.
you told me a few months ago that your birthday was hard for you, especially last year. that the name that shall not be spoken only gave you a sad “happy birthday” and nothing else.
and that makes my blood boil!
so, therefore, i want to give you the most genuine and loving present i can.
it’s gotta count for two birthdays, after all, because i refuse to even acknowledge the one before.
sometimes, i feel as though you don’t understand how precious you are to those around you, including me.
you merely base your worth off of the warped perception you have about yourself sometimes, and therefore believe you aren’t capable of being loved so much and so big.
but you are, i promise you.
and i will forever try and get you to understand your worth and capability of being loved.
i love you, my sunshine
1/25/22
•
today, you told me you had been feeling sick for a long time now, and it broke my heart.
well, not really.. that was a little bit dramatic, but i do wish you had told me sooner.
but i know you, and i know that you don’t want anyone worrying for your well-being. but i worry! i know you’ll be okay, you always are with time, but i wish i could’ve been there for you much sooner. ive been sick before… especially with covid, and I know how miserable it is. wanting someone there for you doesn’t make you weak in any way shape or form, my love.
it’s times like these when i get reminded of how desperately i want to care for you when you feel bad, and how when you feel negative, it makes my heart ache in my chest like a drum with too much reverb.
but, of course, there’s a screen.
which means i can’t take your temperature and give you the medicine you need, nor stroke your hair or plant a loving kiss on your forehead calm you down when you feel even worse than how it normally feels with illness.
i wish i could, more than anything else. but i’d also yearn to kiss your lips, and feel an even greater longing when you’d push me away.
because i know you don’t want me to get sick, but i wouldn’t mind, as long as you were okay in the end. my immune system is pretty strong, after all. id live!!
my point is that i wish i could take whatever you may have and crush it beneath my feet, because you don’t deserve to feel that way at all.
not when you make sure to put others first always.
but now.. since i can’t be there as much as I’d like to, you have to put yourself first. even if it hurts just a little bit.
i promise you, yuyu, you can get through this with no problems
i love you when you feel your best, and when you feel your worst.
always remember that
1/26/22
•
you still felt bad today, which you can’t help, but you spoiled me way beyond belief.
you’re really something else, yuyu, and i say that with as much love i can in the world.
your luminosity left me dazed, but I enjoyed every second of every minute of it. i don’t believe ive put in here anything about whenever we do.. /that/ together, aka the (digital) devils tango as you like to call it.
but the reason for that is because when i think of you, when i list off the reasons of what i love and cherish about you, that’s not the first thing that comes to my mind. not the act itself, though it is nice, but rather the emotions and feelings that come with it.
and even then, it’s not something i instantly yearn for or need, but rather it’s just you yourself.
does that make sense?
i love the expression of intimacy it is, and knowing that you love me just as much to do something like that with me brings me an unmatchable amount of happiness.
and when we don’t do it, when we tease each other and poke fun, that in itself is something that could birth billions of butterflies in my stomach; a feeling so intense and warm that i wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.
just being with you, no matter what the conversation is, or what emotions come paired with it, i still love being by your side all the same.
because, yuki, you are you!!
and i love every part that comes with you, no matter how often or not we do something together or how much we talk.
i adore you in every aspect, and that includes everything you bring into my life
i love you
1/27/22
•
today, we went on a bandori date!!
we played to our hearts content, and i was so indescribably happy the entire time. spending time with you and being in your presence is almost like an unreal type of comfort, but i suppose that’s just one of the many things love can make you feel, isn’t it?
of course, that’s only one of the tiny things. we talked and had fun, and im glad that it seemed to distract you from your sickness.
which still isn’t gone quite yet..
though im keeping my fingers crossed that when your birthday comes around, it’ll be fully, or at least almost gone.
i don’t want any virus invading your special day, or i may have to go beat it up myself, as i always love to say.
in all honesty, i originally started this to make it all poetic. to express my love for you using sweet words with no hesitation.
but im no poet, and my words are only a sliver of what i wish i could tell you.
but, instead, i opted for something more simple.
i recount how i feel, and tell you something i love about you or something relating to you every night.
because every day, when you’re in my life, is a day worth remembering.
i don’t know whether or not you’ll like this, but I hope at the least you’ll appreciate my sudden peak in work ethic, because i didn’t even know if i would be able to do this every day because of my schedule.
but, i know how important your birthday is, and if i didn’t make time for you, what kind of girlfriend would i be?
i wish i could give you more, i wish i could take you on dates in person, and smother you in affection in more ways than i can now.
though unfortunately, i can’t, as much as i want to.
but im not going to let that put me in a bad mood, or let that change how much i can give to you now.
you’re my world, you’re my sun, and most of all, you’re my yuki.
you help guide me when im lost, and when i know where im going, you encourage me beyond belief.
and i couldn’t be any more thankful than how i feel now, writing to you while i hope you’re getting the rest you need to recover.
i love you so much
1/28/22
•
i had a volleyball tournament today, and i missed you beyond belief.
i know you were okay without me, but seeing you’re okay for sure is always a relief.
it’s like one of those sappy novels you read, where one of the people in a couple comes home after a long (and definitely exhausting) day at work, and all you want is to be in your partners presence.
you want to pull them into an embrace and kiss the top of their head, holding onto them as though your life depends on it.
admiring them while they make dinner, because you’d burn the house to a ground if you even attempted to.
then, of course, climbing into bed with them and kissing their face all over while they laugh and blush, because their laughter is the sweetest music of all to your ears.
and if you haven’t noticed by now.. these are things i imagine experiencing with you!!
i know you’re a sucker for domestic stuff, and i am too, i hope you know.
but describing in detail the things you want with the person you love can be frightening.
not knowing what their reaction will be, or how they’ll take it, or even if they feel the same way.
but i know that you love me, whether you say it a million times or express it through a yellow heart, and this isn’t me expressing this in fear, but rather out of love.
as is everything else ive written for you
i love you, yuki mor
1/29/22
•
it’s nearly february, my love!
which means.. that your birthday is only a handful of days away
and with that, i wanted to show you something.
i don’t know whether or not you’ve already seen or done this, but on tiktok, people have been looking up the photo that nasa took of space when you were born.
and i thought, why not look up yukis and show them?
so, this is a picture of the universe on the day you were born:
https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap060203.html
the website said it was a “cosmic tornado”, and it’s absolutely stunning. even on the day you were born, space was stirring up something as beautiful as you are. i think it presents how you are very well, a mixture of thousands of different colors, gorgeous in every aspect (ignoring the fact it’s a tornado of course). but who says that galactic tornados can’t be beautiful? the picture obvious shows otherwise!
anyways.. i just thought it would be incredibly cool to show you that, since you love astronomy as much as i do!
i do believe that our love was crafted in the stars, as cheesy as it may sound.
i mean, after all, what are the chances of meeting someone in a tiktok comment section and falling in love with them?
id say that doesn’t happen all too often, if you ask me.
sometimes, i remember how we met, and i find it seemingly impossible to even begin to imagine how we’ve come this far.
i think to myself: what if i hadn’t opened the comment section? what if i had refreshed my for you page? what if i never messaged you?
there are billions of “what ifs”, and im forever grateful and happy that i don’t have to take them into consideration.
i love you no matter the past or future possibilities that may be ahead of us
1/30/22
•
do you remember when i told you that when i first got the idea for your birthday present, i said that i was going to do it for me, too?
i didn’t feel obligated to do this, and its more than just a present to you.
would “a genuine declaration of my love” sound too gay?
regardless, i find myself ecstatic to get in bed every night and write for you, to tell you my emotions in its rawest form.
of course, you could consider this to be a part of your Valentine’s Day gift too, if you want it to be!
as i said, i’ve wanted to do this for you for a long time, and i found your birthday to be the perfect opportunity to do this.
i hope that you don’t find any of this overwhelming, and i considered sending you one of these up until your birthday, but i found that you getting to look back on how i felt about you each day would be a little bit more sappy.
it feels like im some wife writing to their significant other off a thousand miles away.. and i suppose this is what that would be, just modernized.
(it just sounds more romantic when i throw the word ‘Victorian’ in there)
this writing today is much shorter than the others, but i hope you can appreciate it nonetheless!
i love you, yuyu
1/31/22
•
today was quiet, much more than it usually is.
im not used to the silence, especially when for the past few weeks ive been living in a constant motion of new experiences and words, so it was relatively odd.
i would be a liar if i said i enjoyed it, but it definitely gave me some time to reflect on myself.. and most definitely it offered me time to see some things i need to work on.
but, with that aside, i know you had a good day with your friends, so im incredibly happy for you (as i always am when you’re happy, my love!! i hope you know that)
i spent a good portion of my day on genshin, trying to figure out how to make the fireworks needed for our lantern rite date and doing a few other things while you were away.
im still very, very confused. like how do you even make the fireworks?! it should not be that hard. i think we should boycott genshin for making the firework mechanics so hard to understand. minecraft is easier than whatever this is.
.. anyways.
im excited to play with you on your birthday after school, and im even more excited to just spend time with you and celebrate, but i also promise you that i won’t take up ALL of your time.. that would be super selfish of me, because i already spend a lot of it with you regardless
and it is your birthday, after all!! not mine, hehe
only 2 more days now, and i cant wait, for your sake. you’ll finally be sixteen, which is crazy to even begin to comprehend.
i still can’t get over the fact you’re older than me, it feels so surreal.
you’re almost at your Zhongli age compared to the rest of us! /j
youre almost there
i love you so much my dear
2/1/22
•
one more day yuyu!
i don’t even know what to say, at this point. im so nervous, so excited, it feels unreal. but in the best way possible.
ive finally managed to tell you almost everything that i feel and think about you, but there is one last thing.
i want to tell you with my entire heart, my sunshine, that im so proud of you.
im proud of you for fighting through your sickness, im proud of you for getting past everything that led up to this moment, and im proud of you for every single thing that you do.
you don’t credit yourself enough sometimes for just how far you’ve grown as a person.
you’ve reunited with old friends, you’ve pushed past hard points in your life, and most of all, you’ve taken the time needed to focus on yourself, even when it’s one of the hardest things to do.
and i couldn’t be any more proud of you my love!!
i wanted to take a whole entire entry to remind you of this, because overall, this is the thing i appreciate about you the most.
that you notice things that are wrong, you fix them according, and you don’t let what other people do get to you for too long.
you’re so strong, mentally and physically, and i love every single part of it.
and i just wanted to tell you that again, as i do very often, because you need to know one hundred percent that it’s true.
because it is! and that won’t ever change.
with that, i feel like this is the last actual part of this that I’ll write for you.
when you get this, it’ll be your birthday, and you’ll officially be 16 years old!
i hope you at least got a little kick out of reading this, if nothing else, because it was all of my raw emotions for you compiled into nearly 5,00 words.
isnt that crazy?
you bring so much happiness and joy into my life, yuki, and i hope that you have the best birthday to ever exist. because you deserve that and so, so much more.
i wish your day to be filled with only happy experiences to look back and cherish.
and, hey, if you couldn’t tell by now with the amount of times ive said it,
i love you <3
2/2/22
Happy Birthday Yuki!!
