Dear Selfish Best Friend,
This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about writing this letter to you. I want you to know how you make me feel and how you’re one of the most destructive things in my life.
I think we surround ourselves with people that are damaged, maybe even more damaged than us. Why? So we know that we aren’t the most messed up person out there.
Did you know that those talks about sexual harassment meant just as much to me as they did to you? Did you know that you aren’t the only one hiding scars? Did you know that every time I ask you if I look okay, it’s not just a superficial question? Did you know you’re not the only one with a diagnosis? Did you know that every time I get bruises, I have a flashback, too?
You’re not alone. I know you have struggles on a...
Lifestyle
Well, I thought you were my best friend. Really I was just your stepping stool, the person you used to keep your head in the clouds so you didn't have to face what people really thought of you. But you had this way about doing it. You made it seem like you were my friend, we would hang out and go to the mall, the park, chill at each others house, and you were so nice. Then when we got around people you treated me like I was dumb, like I was ugly, like you were better then me. If only you knew what people really said about you, how people really thought of you. I heard but I never said anything, why should I? When all you did was tear me down, and made me feel less than I really was, why should I tell you about the things people called you, that when guys were flirting with you most of the...
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Dear Future Man,
Above all else, you must have humility. We cannot grow in a relationship if both partners do not have the humility to recognize when they are wrong or to go out of their way for the other. Pride and pompousness can be just about the biggest roadblocks in any relationship.
I want to see you pursuing after the Lord more than you pursue me. I know that this is the most cliché thing for a young Christian woman to say, but I have never before been in a relationship where God was the center. I need your actions to reflect that you love the Lord and His promise for your life.
Sure, you’re not perfect. I’m not either. I’ll be compassionate when you stumble off the track, but I ask that you please be the same for me.
Be intentional. Be present when you’re with me....
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Dear Male Gender,
I have been writing about relationships for several years now with the goal of helping women understand why you act the way you do. First, I want to say that I really do love your gender. I have learned a lot about myself through relationships with some of you. And without you, I wouldn’t have the amazing career that I do, so thanks!
At the same time, I think you should know that some of your actions are really confusing the ladies of the world and causing a large amount of unnecessary pain.
A lot of my readers ask: “Why aren’t you giving all this advice to guys? They’re the ones who need it!” This letter is my response to that.
So let’s get right into it.
If you are no longer interested in seeing a girl, please tell her instead of ghosting. Sure, in your mind...
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Dear Guy Who Will Probably Never Call Me,
I’m not surprised, only disappointed. You showed such potential, such promise of not being that guy. You know what guy I mean: the typical 18-35 American male. The fan of Freddy Got Fingered. The drive-by-yeller of obscenities at women. The yeast-draped, mustard-caked assgoblin. The jerk.
You’re sweet. You’re funny. You’re intelligent and nice to your mother. Most of all, you’re a giant nerd. Giant nerds are supposed to call the girl. They’re supposed to remember that all girls are someone’s daughter, and then think about how they wouldn’t want their own daughter to be treated this way, and then start imagining that I am their daughter and then things gets weird. But giant nerds are supposed to be weird! So, when you think about it, you’re...
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Dear Self-Proclaimed Nice Guy,
Hi. I know you probably think you deserve so much from me after telling me I’m beautiful and holding open a door for me. While it was much appreciated, I actually owe you nothing but a “thank you.” No. I’m not a “b*tch” for not wanting your attention and I’m actually nowhere near anti-social. I’m just not that interested. I think it’s great that you have manners, but please don’t get it twisted. It’s actually kind of ironic that you call yourself such a “nice guy.” Why wasn’t I all of those derogatory names you referred to me as prior to you being rejected? Let me apologize for damaging your fragile masculinity. That must be so hard to handle. However, you did make a great actor for the time being. I almost thought you were a nice guy. We had only known...
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Dear Mr. Nice Guy, Contrary to popular belief that you might finish last in this world, you absolutely come first for me. And not just for me, for a lot of other girls, too. We want you, Mr. Nice Guy. We want the honorable man who is motivated by the kindness of his heart, not by what he can wager in return. The guy who doesn’t expect a reward for being a good person. Who especially doesn’t see himself as a woman’s means to an end. So stop reading here if you think being the nice guy is as surface-level as paying for dinner or walking her home or telling her she looks beautiful. These gestures don’t automatically make you kind, especially if they’re backed by ulterior motives. You can pay for the meal, but still be cruel company. You can ensure she makes it home safely and simultaneously...
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Dear Women Who Dump Guys For Being “Too Nice”,
Congratulations on dumping that guy who was just “too nice” for you to date. I admire your strength. Now you’re finally free. Free to go find that perfect guy who will ignore you, say you look fat, and interrupt your “my day” story to punch a hole in a rented television.
You don’t want someone who treats you well, and you deserve whatever emotionally distant “rebel” you wind up with. Unfortunately he’s probably going to be some guy named Vick with a tattoo of a switchblade on his forehead.
The downside of not wanting a nice guy is that the opposite of nice is mean. There’s not much of a middle ground. In the same way that no guy gets off of a motorcycle and starts playing the violin, no guy that’s disinterested in your feelings is...
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Dear Mr. Neman,
Despite your heroic efforts, the public is not yet safe. It has been brought to my attention that these same people whom you have so valiantly protected, by eliminating their option to dine publicly with dogs at their feet, are apparently still in danger. It seems that, in their very homes, many of these people are still allowing their pets into the kitchen and dining areas.
Also, it was discovered that the shoes of restaurant patrons are not being sterilized prior to entry at ANY of the area restaurants, thereby undermining all of the work you have done thus far. More must be done to counter these threats. Can you find it in your heart to write more articles and contact more authorities, preferably even more powerful agencies this time, so that we might further...
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Dear Dr. Robert Ray Hill,
Asian Tribune wishes to place on record that your unorthodox efforts to clear the name of TIU - The International University, located in Missouri, by trying to post comments in the columns meant for readers of the “Asian Tribune†is not a procedure endorsed by the “Asian Tribune.â€
If the TIU had any concerns about items published in the “Asian Tribune the straightforward and the commonly accepted practice should have been to write directly to the Editor, “Asian Tribune†stating your position. The Asian Tribune is always open to criticism and we consistently adhere to the principle of the right of reply.
Due consideration would have been given to your comments if it was sent directly to the Editor. Please note that even earlier we afforded...
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