Dear X,
I only wrote x because he’s so low that he doesn’t deserve two letters. We did have some great memories and some bad ones. But majority of them were bad. Recently we started to become friends again from the time that we broke up last January. But never have I ever passionately hated someone so much. You say that I’m the reason why you have trust issues, yet you wouldn’t know what trust is if it bit you in the ass. (Little does he know that I know that when we were dating he cheated on me with his ex.) When we were dating I felt so happy all the time knowing that I was his but now when I see him in the halls I just want to go sock him in the face.
He was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me. Best because we both have been through experiences that taught us new things, and we both would always turn to each other when we needed someone to talk to even before we dated. Worst because honestly we both went through a hell of a lot of drama after we dated. The first time we broke up was in 8th grade, we just both weren’t ready to date. We were best friends before and it was just too weird since our friendship was that great. But I guess we shouldn’t have because that whole summer we talked and hung out. Then when freshman year came around we got back together for 3 months.
Just recently we got into a huge fight, so around the beginning of this school year I realized how much I missed him and I gained feelings for the bastard again. We didn't talk until after his birthday in august. I felt as if I was being lead on because he knew that I liked him again. But here's where it gets way worse, last sunday when we were talking I sent him a paragraph of how I felt towards him…. Immediately after I sent that I felt really stupid, so I texted him back saying “don’t read that.” He texted back saying “you know I’m going to anyways.” I replied back saying “noo don’t.’’ After that I waited about 10 minutes for him to respond and just really was overthinking the heck out of what I did. Constantly saying in my head “I’m so dumb, I’m so dumb.” I couldn’t stand still, pacing around my room and biting at my fingers. Then I get a message back and being the person I am I just wanted to open it so quickly yet I waited it out for about 5 minutes. With my heart racing 150 mph and scared at the fact that I humiliated myself, I opened it after a while. He said “why shouldn’t I read that then…’’ I said ‘’because honestly there’s no point and it’s just dumb.’’ He replied back fast saying “you don’t really know that.” Right there when he sent that my heart literally dropped, and I felt the beginning of a big smile starting to arise on my face in excitement and joy. I just felt hope in that our relationship could actually go somewhere and we can both right our wrongs. Yet little did I know I was the one who was wrong for thinking that. Monday night came around and I just was really fed up with not knowing how he felt so I told him “hey man can you please just be straightforward with me, it’s obviously clear that I like you and I just want to know how you feel.” (it was longer but you get the jist of it) I was waiting for about 30 minutes for him to respond but he left me on R the whole night. I felt so dumb and just wanted to know like was he tired of me talking to him? Did he not want to answer me? Or did he not want to seem like a real jerk and tell me the truth.
Tuesday came. As usual we had that awkward glance at each other in the halls. We usually talked during 2nd period but obviously that time we didn't. Third period came around and I check my phone and there I see it. A message from him. “Wowww” I said. “So he did have the balls to respond back” I said after that. I waited for about 25 minutes to open it and when I did, I was kinda sad yet relieved to know how he felt. He explained to me how he just couldn't just be with me again, how I was untrustworthy, how we haven't even had a conversation in person yet, how he doesn't want to “rush” into things. 1, I don't know how he couldn't trust me. I never lied nor cheat. 2, it's not my fault that he can't even have a normal conversation in person and 3, I would never want to rush into something that I or the other person wasn't sure about. I responded back something similar to that and he got a whole attitude. Getting mad at what I was saying and such. Lunch time came around and my friends and I went outside. I told my friends to take a picture with me and she did. The trash can was in the back and she captioned it on snapchat saying “pics with …” (don't want to say his name) I told her that she can save it just don't post it because I don't want anymore drama coming around. But what did she do anyways. Posted it. My friendship with her is very close. After that I felt betrayed and just so out of order. Out of order because my life just took a whole 360 and turned around. Soon before you know it a lot of people have seen it and even screenshot it. Then I go on Instagram to see that he posted a picture of the paragraph that I sent him on Sunday and captioned it “I'm trash tho right?” Never have I ever been so mad before. I stormed out the library trying to find where he was but I couldn't. I just couldn't believe that he would do that. After a few hours and people commenting on the post backing me up he deleted it. I lost all respect and feelings for him. He could've been the mature one and not have posted anything at all. Yet he wanted to be a child. A child that he is yet I was too blind to see it. I'm glad I do now. So to my childish, selfish, and arrogant x. This may be pretty messed up to say but I hope you find someone who breaks your heart as much as you broke mine.
Adios x,
Jenasis Hager
