things i wish i could say

Subject: things i wish i could say
From: m
Date: 18 Feb 2022

i've written a lot to you– none of which i've ever actually shown. there's so much that i wish i can tell you, but i never know how. i never know if i should even bother. that is, until i remembered this website that you've mentioned a while back. maybe you'll find this. maybe you won't. either way, it'll be here.
let's start with the obvious. i miss you. you’ve made me feel warm and loved and content, hell, you’ve shown me what being loved was like. it was a new feeling to me. maybe it was to you, too. sure, it was a little scary, but it was something that i’ve wanted to feel for so long. i longed to feel wanted; to feel as if i was worthy enough to be cared for. i wish i was there beside you right now. wrapped in your arms, not a worry in my mind. just us two tangled within each other. instead, here i am at 3 in the morning, alone in my room, writing an anonymous letter to you because i miss you.
i wish i was able to put my words together in a clearer way, but how can i do that when my mind keeps racing back at the thought of you? i sit here, at my desk, feeling as if there’s something missing– you. i never would have thought i’d be someone who daydreams of being held for as long as possible, but life is full of unexpected twists. it’s getting late now. i wish i can write more to you, but i’m beginning to feel my eyes get heavier with each key that i press. maybe i’ll write more some other day and post them here. or maybe i’ll write with the intention of showing you. i don’t know yet. i’ll figure it out. you’re probably already asleep at the time of me writing this, but i hope you get to rest alright. i’ll go get some rest myself right now. goodnight. i love you.