Random Ramblings; enchated

Subject: Random Ramblings; enchated
From: Myself
Date: 23 Apr 2021

For DJB...

As always you seem to be the center of attention on my mind. I still don't understand why I seem to be so enchanted by you. There was a time where talking to you made me very happy and very giddy. We talked almost everyday at some point. Now.. talking to you just leaves me disappointed. It still makes me happy but also in a way just makes me sad. It's just not like it used to be; I feel as though it's gotten dull and bland for you. Almost like talking to me is a chore for you because you feel like you're just doing a kindness. Not to mention I just never know what to talk about anymore. Perhaps the initial attraction has finally run its course.

I understand now that I just became a little too reliant on having your attention and I liked it. I liked the thought that maybe you were enchanted with me also. I told you that I get too attached in places where I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't have gotten attached to you.. I really have no reason to be but here we are. The bond between us (whatever bond there was) seems to be fading. Maybe this is for the better anyways.

Perhaps you finally realized the way I feel and realize that it's not a good thing. Perhaps maybe I realized the way I feel is not a good thing. I think I finally managed to separate my attraction for you from anything really romantic. I think I finally accepted things for how they are and it just took the life out of everything between us for me. Like I want to be flirty and silly and see you but I know it's not my place. I understand.

I accept things for how they are now. I didn't fully want to see it and grasp the reality of it at first because I never felt an attraction as strongly to someone I barely even know as strongly as I have felt it for you. Constantly thinking about you and fantasying. It's saddening. And it's not reality.

I don't want to live in reality.

But tough is life.

Yours wishfully.