Dear Upper Arlington,
As a preschooler, I loved school. I was a very happy go lucky child who loved toys and playing with other kids. No, my life wasn’t the easiest but let’s be honest, nobody has an “easy” life, plus my parents tried really hard to make my life as smooth as possible. Going to kindergarten was extremely exciting for me. My three older siblings were already in school, they were all there at the school to keep me safe and show me the way, and I was ready to start the adventure. “It’s gonna be great I’m so excited for you”, they’d tell me.Things were difficult with my Mom’s unfortunate health but we had some friends from our church group to lend a warm hand and a heavy heart to keep me and my siblings lives as “normal” as possible.
Moving from the ghetto to one of the top suburbs in Ohio was a big change for my family; a positive change, or so we thought. Growing up I was never really a huge fan of school after preschool. Waking up early, teachers, homework, the people around me; I would have rather stayed home. I wanted to stay home with my Mom as I thought she could drop dead any day given her health and I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Cuddling up with her all day as she’d stroke my hair while we watched her favorite movies and eat my favorite snacks; that’s what I would have rather been doing. And even though those movie plots and the adult language went right over my head and I had no clue what was going on, I loved them. I loved them because I felt safe. I felt loved and appreciated, two things I didn’t feel at school. Because of this I was always, and am still today to be honest, an extremely reserved person. Back then I thought that was just my personality. Yes, I was always shy given my small size and soft spoken voice, but today I realize that it was never my personality. These days I have an extremely hard time talking about my feelings and if something is wrong I build a “wall” if you will. I credit my best friend for knowing when I need a little extra comfort. But I wasn’t always like that. I loved deep conversations with my mom and talking things out. But the less my mom was in my life and the more alone I felt because I had no friends at school, the taller that “wall” got.
The whole 6 years I lived in Upper Arlington, I never once met a person that lived inside U.A. that was outside of our churches bible study that truly cared about me, my feelings, my well being, or my family’s well being. I never had any friends. I never sat with people at the lunch table or played with a specific group of kids at recess. I played kickball everyday to blend in so nobody could see that I didn’t have anyone to play with. Teachers were disrespectful to me and all my siblings. The teacher I had for first and second grade would make fun of me for getting a math problem wrong. “It baffles me that you can’t get this problem right, it’s so incredibly easy”, she’d say. Or “Yes your problems right but that’s not the way I taught you how to do it, clearly you don’t listen and that’s extremely disrespectful.” She would exclude me from the advanced reading group even though I proved time and time again that the group I was in wasn’t challenging enough for me. At the time reading was actually a passion of mine, a get away; but it quickly became boring reading books that were not at my level. Even though I was young, it didn’t take long for me to figure out that my family, being the only African-Americans in the whole school except for one kid who was adopted into a white family, was clearly an outcast. Walking into the classroom every day into a classroom full of kids who were told by their parents to not be friends with me and my siblings because “they’re black and black kids have guns and they’ll shoot you”, yea that hurt. That hurt really bad. My siblings and I already have enough going on at home to worry about and to not just be alone but to have to go to school everyday and endure peers and teachers make it clear that we didn’t “belong” was too much.The amount of isolation and discrimination became extremely overwhelming. After my brother developed chronic migraines my parents decided it was time to move. Diversity is what my parents sought after because they knew that we (my siblings and I) needed to be around other people who reinforced the fact that everybody is the same regardless of our skin color. My parents would say, “Our differences are what makes us who we are and that should be celebrated not diminished.”
Moving to columbus was the best thing that ever happened to my family. It became extremely apparent when I was in the fifth grade and my Mom went to rehab 3 hours away in Cleveland, Ohio. We saw her one time in the 3 months she was there and for the first 2 weeks there was no communication. The one time we did get to visit was extremely difficult as we had to complete a family therapy session, something I still to this day do not like to even think about. For the first time I had someone to turn to and I actually felt like my teachers and all the administrators cared. “Don’t worry about it, I got you”, she’d say.
As its been 7 years since I lived in Upper Arlington, I truly hope things have changed. I hope that nobody has to feel like they aren’t cared about or aren’t important just because of their skin color. Racism is a form of bullying and I hope that someday it will be abolished. I’m writing this letter not to criticise those who hurt to my family, in fact I don’t hold a grudge or have any sort of hatred towards you. I know how hard it is not be a “follower” or step out of the “norm”, and at the time it wasn’t “normal” to except a black family into an all white community. In fact, I thank you for personally making me stronger emotionally and giving me and my family a tighter bond. Thank you for giving me a first hand experience in learning what racism really is. My Dad always says, “I truly believe school is for more than just academics. You learn so much more than that, specifically socially, mentally, emotionally and physically which is the reason why I don’t homeschool my children.” I agree with that statement 100% and that is why I have no resentment towards you. Experiencing this has undoubtedly made me a better person. I ask though that we keep the lessons on racism in the classroom out of a text book because while I thank you for what you put me and my family through I wouldn’t wish the amount of pain I felt from this on my worst enemy.
Sincerely,
An old neighbor
