So you don’t really notice me. Well, actually, that’s not totally true. We are friends. Just friends. I wish we were more, but I know you’d never do that to him. I like to blame him because it makes it easier in my head. In reality, I know that you just don’t think of me as anything more than a friend.
I see you too often. It hurts me. I wish I could hug you and kiss you and talk deep things with you. Instead, I stand a good number of steps away and chat about the weather. You don’t know what goes on in my head every time I see you. I just wish that I could be with you. You are constantly on my mind. Please get out of my head.
I tried getting over you. I tried hooking up with other guys. Even then, you were all I thought about. Why is this so hard? Love is supposed to be beautiful, but I don’t feel pretty at all.
You’re smile melts my heart. Your laugh makes me laugh. Your voice makes me weak. I just wish I could hold you in my arms and call you mine. Instead, I smile and laugh along with your jokes, while slowly dying inside from this secret.
Why did he have to ruin it? Why did he have to like me? I wish it could’ve been that simple. I know that he is not to blame, but I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, it would have made a difference. I know it is far-fetched and unlikely, but I like to believe he ruined it. If ruined it, I don’t have to think that there is something wrong with me.
I hate myself for liking you. I hate myself every day. I tell myself to not like you. I can’t stop. My mind is constantly on you. What am I supposed to do? I just wish you were mine and I was yours.
I want you to hold me when I am sad. I want you to make me happy again when I hit rock bottom. I want you to be the one that is there for me. Instead, I sit here. Listening to you laugh, without a clue what is going through my head.
I just want you.
An Open Letter To You