We hope this letter finds you held securely by the arms of true Love. Love is a beautiful thing. Yet, we hope you realize how difficult it was for the man in your life to fall in Love with you and quite possibly, how difficult it is for him to be in Love with you. Love is difficult for us men. Why? Well, to be honest, Love scares us. We confess it here and now, we men are afraid of Love.
We are especially afraid that we will leap into the abyss of Love first but you will never join us. That we will fall blindly into Love and you will not be there to catch us, to guide us. Most importantly, we fear giving up control. We fear losing ourselves in an emotion we do not fully understand. An emotion that controls us rather than us controlling it.
No man wants to feel like he is falling in Love with you before you are falling in Love with him. And yes, we recognize the hypocrisy of that statement. We still stand by it. We recognize that we are asking you to sacrifice emotionally before us, for us, even if we have not fully demonstrated that you should do so beforehand.
You see, our aggressiveness gave us the courage to approach you. It was our confidence that intrigued you. Our ability to lead and make sound, level-headed decisions kept you interested. We gained your trust, gave you the confidence to follow us without question, gave you the security needed to feel comfortable surrendering yourself to us – emotionally and physically.
Now, all the qualities that drew you into us, you want us to abandon? You want us to release the reigns that have guided us not only though life but to this very moment? You want us to put ourselves, our heart, in jeopardy without even knowing the odds of success? You want us to fall in Love with you? Let us stop procrastinating with this line of question: You’re asking us to give up control, admit it!
We men stand before you at a crossroads.
Against our instincts and logic, do we fall thoughtlessly into your arms while hoping you have the strength to support us as you promised? Do we retreat? Do we seek haven in meaningless relationships in a misguided effort to maintain that control we know so well, knowing that we are providing ourselves with nothing more than a false sense of security in these superficial relationships; relationships where we can never truly fall in Love because we never truly immerse ourselves in them to begin with.
We do not understand you women.
How do you do it? How can you Love so hard? So relentlessly? So selflessly? Even when it is us you shower with unconditional Love, we remain confused but not ungrateful. In our insecurity, we mock your emotional reasoning. We describe your altruistic view of the world as “female logic,” while we hide behind so-called objective logic, when it is itself born from fear.
In actuality, we envy you. Your ability to give yourself wholly to another individual with the mere hope your feelings will be reciprocated without first securing the guarantee they will. This astonishes us. Secretly, we want to do the same but we struggle. We refuse to succumb. To let go completely, even for one second, because that one second of unknown paralyzes us.
Deep down we know that Love is one of the few things in our life we cannot control. We also know that we cannot truly Love you without relinquishing control to you. Unfortunately, our reluctance is often at your expense. As you wait alone in the very same vulnerable state we hesitate to join, wondering if we will ever overcome ourselves on your behalf.
We are not asking you to change. This is on us, the men. Apart from you, we are not weak but because of you, we are stronger. Your unwavering support keeps us from falling but you also deserve to be more than our crutch. Our fear is not your burden. Force us to stand on our own! Offer only to support us once we have proven capable. Therefore, although we may not be the man for you, we will be a better man because of you.
One day, even if not today, we will be the men you need. Do not judge us all by the selfish weakness of a few. We will Love you. It may not be in the manner you dreamed but there will not be a doubt in your mind that it is Love. Scared as we are, the real men among us look forward to that day. In the meantime, as much as it may hurt, it is selfish for any any of us to ask you to wait. So, if it means passing one of us by for another who has already overcome his fear, we encourage you to seek him and obtain the Love that you deserve when you are ready, not when it is convenient for us. In fact, we ask that you never settle for anything less.
Open Letter: We Confess, Men Are Afraid of Love