An Open Letter To My Ex Husband

Before we get started there is one thing I do want to let anyone know. I loved my husband. I truly did.

T,

I don't know exactly where to start but I guess we can begin where it ended. I wish you knew how devastated I was when I began to suspect you were cheating on me. It's not like this hasn't happened in the past but this one really hit home because we were married and we have a beautiful son. I guess I should have figured it out sooner.

2014
Here are the facts of April:

1. You started hanging out with B a week before my vacation and by the time I was gone, you were already having her sleep over at your company-provided hotel room.
2. That same week you emptied our bank account to provide alcohol for your party and caused our auto payments to become neglected.
3. You started an affair.

Here are the facts for May:

1. You continued the affair, which was easy because it was in a town we don't spend time in and we have no friends and only a few family members.
2. You began to drain our money to fuel the parties she needed.
3. You came home on weekends and would reassure me that you loved me.
4. She was "in a relationship" on FB which was put that way on Mother's Day.
5. From what I eventually learnt, you were telling her and all your friends you were getting divorced and I kept our son from you.
6. Even after saying that, you continued to come home every weekend and lied to me and your son.

Here are the facts for June:

1. You continued the affair.
2. You continued your marriage.
3. You continued to lie to both sides.
4. I cried to you one night and asked if there were any other women (I don't know why this happened, maybe my mind already knew) and you held me and told me no, you told me you loved me and there were no other women.
5. You promised B you would take her on a trip up north to meet her family.
6. Even after all this, you continued to lie to both sides.

Here are the facts for July:

1. You continued the affair.
2. You continued your marriage.
3. You continued to drain our money.
4. I found out.
5. I catfished you, and you went to meet a girl at the casino to have sex with, but it was me. You then played it off.
6. You finally mentioned that you were going to be taking B up north, but you were only going there for work and hunting.
7. I contacted B and told her I was uncomfortable with it, but you already beat me to the punch and had her so full of lies that she told me to fuck off.
8. My papa went into the hospital and you cried to me telling me that you loved him more than any of his children did.
9. You took a day off work, got drunk, needed my help because you ruined a vehicle, and then got mad because I wouldn't drop you off at my sister's, then jumped out of the truck, called me and threatened me, I called the cops, and you used this as an escape route.
10. You had already found a way to leave me and make it my fault and I didn't even realize it was happening.
11. I drafted up a separation agreement which included no drinking, no drugs, no cheating, and no disrespect.
12. You told me you entered Alcoholics Anonymous and were spending the weekend in a safe house, when in fact, you were spending the weekend with B.
13. You were breaking our agreement while still telling me you were not having an affair and still telling me you loved me.

Here are the facts for August:

1. Our anniversary was on the first, you came to grab some stuff and sign the agreement, which stated I was to give you time, and you were to ultimately come home.
2. You spent the night of our 5th wedding anniversary with B. I found this out, and it broke my heart.
3. You were still going on your trip, I was allowing you to give your "friend" B a ride to her hometown along with another passenger who was her boyfriend (who never existed).
4. I found out through IG that you had spent our wedding anniversary with her and I broke down.
5. I contacted her family to track you down and they told me you were her boyfriend. I told them I was your wife and to send you home. By the time you told your lies to them, they were yelling at me asking me why I couldn't keep my husband happy? Your only response to that when I asked why they would say that to me was: "Well, why can't you?"
6. In front of her family and over the phone, you told me straight up "I don't love you, I haven't loved you for a long time."
7. My heart was broken. I told you about the baby and then I told you about how the baby was no longer alive.
8. A friend sent me a screenshot of a picture that confirmed you were having an affair.
9. You denied it.
10. You came home after I paid for your gas because you and B had no money.
11. I wanted to talk, you didn't, but you continued to live at our marital home.
12. You continued to deny being anything more than friends with B even though I had pictures and testimonies from HER friends.
13. You lost your job because I contacted your boss to see where you were working up north, he told me you had been telling him you were taking your son camping. It was also at this point I mentioned to him that you work truck was listed as suspicious in a break-and-enter because B's friends believe she was capable of that and contacted me to see you if had access to storage, which you did through work.
14. You were meeting up with girls in town through Whisper and making out with them.
15. You continued to lie to both sides.

Here are the facts for September:

1. I went on a weekend getaway with a friend that didn't end up so well, you got mad.
2. You stayed at your brother's for a bit but ended up back at the house because you called it "home". I was confused but I wanted more than anything to be with you.
3. I kept trying and pleading to get back together. I loved you and I didn't want to lose you but I should have known I had already lost you.
4. I wasn't even given a chance.
5. You accused me of being some girl you were sending nude photos to on Whisper, I was and used it to confirm that you were having a affair.
6. You threw me down the stairs, you knocked me out, you dragged me by my hair, you choked me, you slapped me while I was restrained, and you would not stop, even when I told you that you were going to kill me.
7. You did not apologize.
8. I went away that evening, left you with our son, and went to my sister's. I was hurt physically and emotionally and mentally. They all told me not to go back, to kick you out, and all I could say was that I loved you. After all that, all I could say was that I loved you.
9. I got home and my mom was there, I broke down, listened to what she had to say, told her to leave and went inside and went to bed crying.
10. When you left the next day, I told you that you were no longer welcome, this pissed you off but you took it as an opportunity to move to the town B was in.
11. My birthday came and I was so depressed thinking that I had no reason to celebrate my life, and I got home and my family had set up a party for me with cake and drinks and presents, I was loved and I cried because I knew it. You were taking our son for the weekend. I dropped him off, and kissed you for the last time.
12. I said goodbye, I felt so much love that I had some strength to let you go.
13. Although all this stupid shit had happened, I knew I would always love my husband, but you were no longer that guy, you were a guy who's priorities became those of someone else.
14. I started partying a week later.

Jump forward.

2015

I spent a lot of time partying. Every weekend. I was not sure what my plan was. Maybe I wanted to numb the pain. I listened to that song Habits by Tove Lo a lot because it just seemed to relax me because in her video, it was reflecting how I felt and what I was doing. I was not out of control, I was in complete control, I knew what I was up to and I knew it was just a stall tactic. I knew that at some point I was going to snap out of it and stop drinking on the weekends and it was going to hit me. All that bottled up pain and hurt. The whole time I was partying, I was happy, I was free, I was fun. I didn't cry, I didn't mope, I didn't care. I loved it. But it ended. And it hit me. Hard.

I would always get the same response from you, a negative one. You were no longer the sweet, funny guy I knew. You would never treat anyone this way even if you hated them. So maybe you don't hate me and maybe this is your defense mechanism. You must struggle with your own emotions. Good for you. The guilt must eat away at you.

I filed for divorce. I got it granted based on adultery. What people don't tell you is that you can't just walk into a lawyer's office and tell them your spouse had an affair: the don't consider it adultery unless it's sexual intercourse and you have proof (photos, video, or Confession). I have two of these. Lucky me. My lawyer was surprised when I told her. Lucky for you, I only used one of them for evidence and I keep the other in case you piss me off real good.

Today is the anniversary of the day I called the cops on you. Despite all the bullshit, here's what I want to say.

You are an asshole.

I don't care what kind of lies you told everyone from your town. I know the truth. So do you. And here it is. Now everyone knows.

And this is not the last of it. I've listened to the bullshit you spread. And although I know its just lies, I am here to set the story straight.

Love,

Tata