hey, how are you? i’m not going to lie i’ve thought about sending that message to you alot lately but i know there’s no use. this is probably when i should tell you how much i miss you, but a part of me knows you don’t care. if you did we’d probably still be friends. but i still hope that you think of me occasionally or at least the memories we made and miss me too.
it’s been a few months since we last talked, who would’ve seen that coming? if someone told us 2 years ago we wouldn’t have any interaction with each other right now, we’d think they were crazy. alot has happened since we last spoke. i’ve wanted to tell you all about it, but i couldn’t. i do miss being around you and your family all the time. your mom, your grandparents, and even your sister who has a past of hating me, i miss her too. i miss playing with your dogs all the time and getting hair all over me when i have on good clothes. i miss being called to help with something and even when i didn’t feel like doing anything at all, i was there as soon as i could be. even though we’re no longer friends, i still wanted to tell you all the things that i used to. and it sucks because you’re not that person anymore.
you were the person i could count on for anything. you were always just a phone call or text away. and now you’re nowhere to be found. obviously there’s reasoning behind it, but just looking at how everything panned out, it’s upsetting. but even though we’re no longer friends, i still want to thank you. thank you for being what a best friend really is, and dealing with all that comes with it. thank you for being honest and genuinely caring for me. thank you for standing up for me when everyone around you talked down on me and trashed me. thank you for taking me for me and never letting anyone else’s judgements change your opinion on me. and most importantly, thank you 1000 times for being the best friend i needed during that part of my life.
a part of me puts all this on me for one specific reason; because i fell in love with you. i feel if i never gained those feelings for you, we would still be best friends and still happy as ever. i still remember the day those feelings came about, how hard it hit me, where we were at, what we were doing, everything about that day, i remember. i don’t regret developing feelings for you, at all. it was an eye opener for me, honestly. as much as we hoped we would go all the way, we couldn’t do it (because of mistakes that i made but that’s aside from the point). you showed me how love works. we both were relatively single for awhile and so there weren’t many serious relationships under our belt, if any. our relationship showed me how to physically show you love someone, aside from just saying it. how to show someone that you care, aside from just saying it. our relationship really molded me into the man that i have become today, and i’m truly grateful for that. being that a male figure was absent in my life i had to teach myself how to treat and respect women and how to use pick up lines and things like that. and our relationship, was the last lesson i needed. as painful as it was to lose you, i gained some things from it. the last few months of our relationship, things had gotten hard, and i lost myself. i didn’t even know losing who you are was a real thing. and i hate i was with you when i lost myself. i’m changing, like i told you i would try to do. i’m improving my lifestyle, and learning to let little stupid things go, and just enjoy life and be happy. i wish i could have changed when i said i would because you would be so proud of me, being the good hearted person you are. i wish you were still around to see the change. you would be so proud of me, being the good hearted person you are. maybe you would love me a little more, maybe you would love me less, who knows.
although we’re no longer friends (or in a relationship), i want you to know i could never hate you. i’ve tried to do it, trust me. it sounds horrible but it seemed if i grew a hate for you it would make losing you a little easier to get over. but i couldn’t bring myself to hate you. i was hurt when you left, but i could never hate you. you were the most important person in my life besides God, and for that, i will always have love for you.
i happened to find some old pictures of us and i couldn’t help but smile and reminisce. i found some things you never got back that were at my house, and i thought about how they got there. i found the gift i got you for our 2 year anniversary that you never got, and wanted to be sad but i wasn’t. i don’t think there will ever be a day where you don’t cross my mind at least once. whether it be just the thought of you, or a memory we made, or something that reminded me of you. what’s crazy is, the sadness and hurt are fading, and i’m beginning to look at you as a cherished memory.
everyone chooses their own path in life, and i guess your path no longer intertwined with mine. but i hope you are happy now, and will always be happy. because despite the past, i truly wish the best for you. and believe me when i tell you, i’ve prayed for you, even after i knew there was no more us. i still continue to pray for you, that you find success and happiness in everything you do. i hope you’ve found someone new to send all those stupid yet funny memes too, someone who loves dogs as much as you do, someone that shows you the things i couldn’t show you or never got the chance to, someone to binge watch all those shows you loved like shameless, the walking dead, friends, and so many more. i hope the new guy you’re with really shows you how special you are and the potential you have to be an amazing girlfriend and one day a wife.
i don’t know if i’ll ever have the guts to post this, and if i do, i don’t think you’ll ever see it. but if you do happen to stumble upon this, and you have read this entire letter up to this point, just know, that i could never hate you. when i see you in public, i may not speak to you, i may not try and wave or smile at you, start a small conversation, hell i may not even look at you. but i do still care about you and love you. and i cherish every memory we ever made and i wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world. and even though i may not speak to you when i see you again, i will always be grateful to have called you my best friend.
your ex best friend.