An open letter to my best friend's boyfriend that I fell in love with

Subject: An open letter to my best friend's boyfriend that I fell in love with
Date: 30 Mar 2016

It's been awhile and we've all three gone our separate ways now. It's probably for the best.
I remember the first night we met. I was having problems with my boyfriend who you also knew so you were helping console me. I used to be very shy and from that very first moment that very first night I already felt so comfortable with you. That's how I already knew you weren't like other boys - you were different. You were funny, you were caring, you were warm. She was lucky.
I was so jealous of her. She had this wonderful man who treated her like a queen while I had a boyfriend who was never good to me. He was always out with other girls and was never faithful to me. Every time my boyfriend and I were together, all we did was fight. Every time you and I were together, all we did was laugh. It didn't take me long to realize you were what I was missing in my life.
Pretty soon I found myself wanting to be around you constantly. I was the happiest when you were around and every second that you weren't, you were all I could think about. I was too young and naive to see that I needed to break up with my terrible boyfriend, so instead I stayed with him, admiring your relationship with my best friend. At first I tried to tell myself that I wanted a relationship like yours, but I was lying to myself - I wanted you.
After a few months, I found myself falling head over heels in love with you. I knew that nothing could ever happen between us, but I couldn't keep you out of my heart or off of my mind.
I had finally had my last straw with my boyfriend so we broke up. A few days later, you texted me telling me about how she cheated on you. I wasn't very surprised because she always treated you poorly, but I was blown away at how she could have the best man in the entire world and throw it all away. We started talking a lot about our breakups and I quickly felt myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you.
A couple weeks later was my 18th birthday and you asked me to hangout. We had never hung out without her before. I knew where it would lead so I tried to tell myself it wasn't worth it, but deep down I knew it was. I knew that the second I got in that car with you, my relationship with my best friend was over if she ever found out. Still, I did it. There's no way I would have rather spent my 18th birthday than with you.
Although I didn't regret my decision, I felt guilty doing that to my best friend. It would have crushed her. I did my best trying to avoid her and do my own thing so after a little while, we parted ways and haven't seen each other in over a year. It hurt me, but I knew that was something I had to live with.
I had such deep feelings for you, but I knew for you there were no feelings involved - it was nothing but sex. You were still in love with her and there was nothing I could do to change that. Believe me, I tried.
We spent a year going a few months at a time without speaking to each other. But every time we did talk again, I realized more and more what she was missing out on. She had no idea how lucky she was.
Months have passed since we last saw each other or spoke. But I think about you all the time. Each time I see you post on Facebook or I come across old messages between us, my heart breaks a little every time. You never knew it, but I fell so deep in love with you. All this time later, and I still am. Maybe someday the feeling will be mutual. But until then, I'll be right here - missing you.

Your ex-girlfriend's ex-best friend who is madly in love with you