They say when you love something to let it go. If it comes back it is truly yours and if it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.
I always thought this was the silliest thing I have ever heard. If you love something, why would you not hold onto it for dear life? You, however, have shown me the wisdom in these words. Sometimes people need time and space to grow into better versions of themselves for things to work out.
I remember the first day I met you. It was in January during my freshman year of high school. I was having a miserable day and told one of my friends that I wanted to skip the rest of the day. He told me about this new kid, a junior, who could get me out of the school.
You greeted me with a smile and led me out of the school. We spent the whole day running around town and hanging out at my parents house. I didn't know it at the time, but you would become my best friend after that day.
It wasn't too long after that I began to show up at your house everday without invitation. We were inseparable and so it was no surprise at the ripe young age of 15 that I developed my first crush on you.
I'm pretty sure everyone, including you, knew about it too. The time just wasn't right, however. No matter how close we were, you saw me as more of a little sister than as a romantic interest. This isnt surprising either because I had always been much more socially immature and naive than most girls my age.
It was around this time that you began dating one of my best friends. She was one in a long line of my friends that I would have to sit back and watch have their turn with you. Throughout this time my feelings for you continued to grow even as I finally began dating someone else.
I dated my first boyfriend for 3 years and while I always said I was in love with him, a large piece of my heart still belonged to you. This was evidenced by the number of times our friendship almost caused the end of my first relationship.
Eventually I graduated high school and went off to college. Things began to change so fast and we lost touch. It was over a year before I spoke to you again. A single phone call, one rushed attempt to see each other and then nothing.
I didn't hear from you or see you again. Three years past and I had mostly accepted that you were from a distant chapter in my life and that's where you would stay.
I'd mention you when I would regale my friends with stories from my past (you were in almost every one of them). I once told my new best friend that you were my only regret in life, my only "what if". For the most part, however, I had come to terms with you not being here.
Then on day, out of nowhere, I get a message on Facebook. It's from you and once again you are back in my life. We talk for a bit that night and then a week passes with no word. I figure that once again you've disappeared from my life, but this time is different. You get ahold of me again and I agree to come out to your sisters house.
I have no expectations. I figure we are going to hang out and I would go home. If anything, the only hope I held was that my best friend might come back into my life.
We had a few drinks that night and it felt like no time had past. All of the feelings I had for you came rushing back and as much as it hurt I prepared myself for disappointment. You ended that night by kissing me. You told me that you had hoped that this was how the night would end.
We aren't dating yet, but that's okay. It's been many years and we are still relearning everything about one another. We've both changed since those years of skipping class in high school and I think that's why this time around things are working out. I've matured a lot and you've slowed down from the life you used to live.
It feels like we are better versions of those teenagers who used to be glued at the hip and only time will tell if things are going to work out. The thing I've come to realize, however, is that sometimes, time is exactly what you need.
The girl whose been waiting for you