Our time together was brief. It ended as quickly as we jumped in. There wasn’t much thinking; more spontaneous doings that happened so fast we didn’t pause – I didn’t pause – for consequences that we can now feel. I don’t regret the few months spent trying to love someone new though. I did try. I can promise that. You could have been my second love and I’m sorry it had to turn into a “could have been.”
I thank you in many ways even though you came to a point where you felt you had to give up on mending my heart any more. If we are being honest, we both could see that all along, it was an impossible task; but I thank you for trying as long as you did. One of the last things you said to me, that you were “so enamored by me” I can’t shake from my memory. From the beginning, until our falling point I felt it in every stare, every time you touched me – which was so frequent and I can’t tell you how much I cherish that – and every morning I woke up next to you. I’m incredibly lucky to have gotten to feel that kind of adoration. For the first time in a long time I truly felt wanted. No matter how much people don’t like to admit it, everyone needs to feel wanted.
I don’t want you to believe that you weren’t wanted. I wanted you; oh man did I adore you, but just not in all of the ways that a girl looking for long-term love deserves. I started knocking down walls that weren’t ready to be torn down; at least not with someone new, someone different. I started letting go of things that I realize now I might not let go of after all. I’m so sorry for not processing that sooner, before feelings grew and things got more real.
Though, you did something that made me feel like it was alright to be vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable. But, you surrounded me with a comfort I can’t put into words. Whether you had your body intertwined with mine or were away, I felt it. You opened my heart to feel so much. As you came to realize, the feelings, no matter how amazing they were, just weren’t enough. Again, I am sorry but thank you.
We may not cross paths again. I might not get the chance to thank you in person. So, here are my written words to the girl who tried to mend a heart that still belongs to someone else. Now I want someone to have yours like my first love has mine. Whoever it ends up being and wherever you find that love, I wish you all the happiness in the world, because you deserve nothing less.
