Subject: An Open Letter To The Boy Who Couldn't Be Loved..
Date: 5 May 2016
Hello old friend, Do you remember me? Well, the girl I used to be? The girl who was once so vibrant, happy, & full of life? I have fading, distant memories of her also. The girl who put everyone else's needs & happiness in front of her own? She now is empty & hollow from giving her all to you. The one who always wore her crooked smile so beautifully, even on the darkest & most dismal days? Now when she catches glimpses of the sunlight beaming on & kissing her skin, she still feels cold because she wishes it was you. The girl who was friendly to everyone she met? She now comes across as complacent & cold; not trusting even her own shadow. The girl who once had so much self confidence? She feels ugly, inadequate, & unlovable. I always believed there was something wrong with myself, it wasn't you - it couldn't be you. To me, you were perfect in every way. It must have been me, or so I thought. I'm far from stupid, book smart or street smart. Things were great for a while. I started to feel something was wrong, I don't know if it was a mother's intuition but I always go on my gut & vibes. I found out a lot of things, some of which I shared with you & others I still hold in to this very moment in time. Still, I try to have faith in you despite many things that you did. I love you & when you love someone you can work things out & make it past anything. True love over powers all. I tried to connect with you on so many levels & every time you'd let me in close enough, you'd push me back away. I always try to be there for you the best way that I can & any way that I can. Even now after all that's been said & done, I still love you & a part of me always will - even though you almost don't deserve it. I love all of your flaws & all, for some reason I just won't give up. No matter what has happened or will happen, I will always cheer you on from a far & wish the best for you - even though I feel shattered & broken. I'm dilapidated, but I keep it together so well - I know you would want me to be strong, even though you're the reason I'm so torn. We have great memories together & some bad ones too, it happens in every relationship. No relationship is perfect & everyone has their own trials & tribulations in a relationship. I would never call you a regret or a mistake, I'd be a liar. The good outweighed the bad, despite any chaos or pain that ensued. To the boy who can't be loved, that's a bullshit front - you're just afraid. I know you've been through a lot & have been hurt before, but so have I. I'm living proof you can be loved & are loved. It's clear I love you even when you do things that make it hard to love you. Or else I wouldn't be shedding tears writing this letter, missing you, thinking of you constantly, or wearing my heart on my sleeve for the world to see. To the boy who can't be loved, whether you believe it or not - you are loved. As hollow & sad as I feel, you are still loved. Thank you for everything - memories made, lessons learned, love we shared, EVERYTHING. You'll always be etched into my brain & heart, you're unforgettable. To the boy who can't be loved, you'll always be my best kept secret & I'll be your least favorite memory. Take care. Love always with all of my heart, A broken hearted girl.