An Open letter to the Boy I fell for

Subject: An Open letter to the Boy I fell for
From: The girl you use to know
Date: 28 Jun 2017

This was not the love at first sight kind of thing. I actually cannot recall when it happened. I fell so fast for you one day. Maybe it was because you made me laugh so hard I could barely breath, or the looks you gave me, maybe it was because I could be myself with you, Ill probably never know.
I've never fell so hard or fast though, I was good at taking things slow. I was. One night though was all it took, one kiss, one touch, and one memory for me to dream up this big idea of you and me. I adored the way you raised your eyebrows at something hurtful, the way you rolled your eyes at my comments or motions, the way the butterflies whirled around by simply knowing you were near. I had created this fantasy in my head of perfection, of a chance at least.
You didn't give me that. I don't know if it was because you were scared of hurting yourself, me, or commitment in general. Whatever it was though, it's okay. You gave me the courage to move on anyway. I just want you to be happy. It hurts knowing that the girl you'll take to the movies, Mexican, or maybe watching Netflix wont be me. I won't be in your front seat anymore. I won't be able to trace the bones along your arm anymore. It hurts listening to you talk about these other girls.
There was never an us though. I understand that. You never wanted me as much as I wanted you, and I keep telling myself that I'm stupid... that I'm crazy. I shouldn't even have liked you enough for these things to hurt me. I shouldn't have put myself in this situation. I knew better. I want so badly to hate you, to call you up and cuss you out, or to simply be able to walk by you and pretend I don't know you. These things though... these are impossible. I just wanted you.
Friends? We can be friends, but I promise you there will be that part of me that will not forget the way your hands felt like electric against my skin. I hope you find a girl, and I hope she understands how lucky she is for you to choose her.
And if by chance... your mind wanders back to me please choose her.