An open letter

Subject: An open letter
From: To the one I let go
Date: 27 Oct 2019

An open letter to the person that I let go

Know that choosing your happiness is more important than choosing mine. I left because I know it's time.
You are ready to move on while I am still trying to fix us. You decided for yourself and I had no clue it was done. I did tried my best, they say some people are good with showing affection physically some is verbally, but I was never good at those things and you know that. We all made our mistakes and one of those mistakes is not letting you know how much I love you more than anything else in this world. You were my everything, I'll give up everything for you if you ask me to. I chose you in every ups and downs in our relationship and despite the fact that we always argue at the end of the day I still want to share the same bed that I am sleeping with you.

You saw the kind of mess that I am, you tried to help me but I tried to think that I'm okay and it makes it harder for you to understand me. Letting you go is harder than I thought it would be, I wasn't ready for this, I never thought that our relationship would end, because in this world full of sadness and judgement you were there to accept me and I have never been happier and safe with someone. You made me think that someone could actually love me despite the flaws and what a mess I can be.

We were so sure about our relationship and everyone thinks so too, they think that we are the perfect couple but we're not, we were just a normal human being and we were just happy and contented on what we had in our relationship.

We taught that we figure it all out but we don't, you have your own wrong decisions and I have mine too but those choices is what I thought would help us grow, but it's the opposite the choices that we made leads us to this end. You chose to stay with her while I chose to let you go and I never thought this will happen because you said that you'll choose me again and again even if things change it'll always be me.

Where did it all go wrong? Is it the time that I needed space for awhile to help myself heal because of my depression? Is it the time that I asked you to give me time to focus on school as I will be busy during that time? Or is it the time that we always throw words at each other that we didn't even mean to? I wanted to understand because you decided to end our relationship without a notice, without talking to me and at that time I was ready to tell you how shitty my day has been without you, but you're gone just like that. Without a word or goodbyes, just gone.

I didn't know it was the end but it wasn't until I beg you to stay and choose me and you said yes. You said you love me but every minute you are looking through you're phone checking if there's any notification coming from her and it was unfair I know you love her but you're with me. It's like a torture but I don't wanna end it because I love you and I want you, I couldn't let go because I wasn't ready everything is happening so fast, you were suddenly with someone else sleeping, hugging and holding hands when it was supposed to be me, Me the person that you wanted to spend your life with but I can feel that what we have right now is pity. So I decided to let go since you yourself couldn't it's scary but I had to just to make you happy. Deep inside I know that I couldn't handle everything at this point, you know that I needed you now more than ever but I want you to stay because you love me and not because you felt guilty and bad about my situation.

So I know I needed to, I know she filled the gap that I haven't been giving to you, but I was confident enough that you will know and understand why I couldn't at those times but you chose to find someone who could do it and set aside me. I know you still love me not because you care about me but because we slept together even though you're with her every hugs, kisses and touch that we did while sleeping it feels right and I hope it's not just me who felt it that way but the guilt is inside me and I couldn't continue the lies and so I know I need to do it even if it hurts, even if it'll make me miserable I chose this just to make you happy.

I love you with all of my heart and that's why I did what I had to do and that is to let you go even though we can still work. You were afraid to take the risk again and I couldn't see myself anymore everytime that I beg you to stay and choose me. So much for the happy ending that we wanted for the both of us right?
But maybe, just maybe we were both not ready, maybe time will come and both of us will be together and universe will do the work but one thing for sure is that my heart will always have a special place for you to the one I let go.