To the one person whom i shouldn't have hurt

Subject: To the one person whom i shouldn't have hurt
Date: 31 May 2017

There are times when you rise.. when you are in control.. when things and circumstances around you are in favour - and not always/ everyone can handle this:- they do things that they should'nt have.. that they do as a direct result of inability to handle success.

Trust me, it was not what happened in this scenario.

You loved me, and i know the extent. I know when u avoid egg, when you open about your health issues, when you drafted and re-drafted my cv, when we spoke all night and knew what was happening with the other person - even though we were miles apart.

I might have told you this before, or maybe not. But i did like you. I did consider if we could be together. If there was a future. And i could not risk ruining another persons life. I have some peculiar moving on issues, over which i eventually broke an 8 year long relationship. I saw a future with her, had everything planned out - but it just felt apart. still broke apart. Why? Only because of one issue I had? Maybe there were other issues.. maybe not.

And could i do that again? Knowing well your liking for me and knowing my attraction towards you - i had this one wish - to not hurt you/ break you/ scar you. and i did not let the spark rise. i made sure to subside my feelings each time.

It was your exam and i had sleepless nights. It was your result and i was excited. It was your day - and i cried tears of joy!
You moved out of city and i felt like i felt the way i felt on my first day in Blr and GGN. You told me about your friends you made and i felt the satisfaction that you are settled in this new place - that you are fine.

If you remember or not, but i hated to be rude and tell you to be ready to adjust in with Shreya when you come here - to not throw tantrums like you did back home. I remember when you called me in the middle of night crying due t the skin burn on your leg - i was in deep sleep and hated that moment - but i was there. I can relive those countless memories while i write to you now - when i knew you would be there for me, and that i will be there for you. Not because of a boundation or compulsion - but just because the way it has been.

The same happened that day - i wanted to confide in you. to have a shoulder to cry on. to tell you how terrible i felt all through. to tell you what i couldnt tell anyone else- to tell whats killing me inside. that how i might have hurt you more by not giving it a try - or if we could have been together and it was just baseless fears i had which stopped me from seeing what life had in store. And i broke.. i was overwhelmed.. i could not control my emotions.

You ask me i want you back in which context? I dont care!!! i want you back! as a person,as a friend