To the One I Should Probably Give Up On

Subject: To the One I Should Probably Give Up On
From: From the One You Probably Never Think About
Date: 15 Mar 2022

From the moment we first spoke, you had my interest. You asked me a simple question and when I turned to answer I saw you and I was immediately intrigued by your voice, your unusual style and the type of person it takes to ask what you did. Then I heard you play our instrument and I was so excited to be playing with you. From then on I made sure that you were helped and had what you needed. From your point of view, I was just another girl who was just being nice. For me, I was going out of my way, because I wanted to make a good impression.
You are kind, but I know you know how to be rude. You've done nice things for me and that made me happy, but who knows if that's just because it's in your nature. You're one of the few I genuinely talk to in a day, and I'm not sure you know it. I wonder if I am that to you too.
You fill my head way more than I think you should. I think about the potential conversations we could have, about the similar experiences and interests I know we share. But when we message, it never lasts long. I tell myself it's because you just prefer to talk in person and not that you just talk to me because I'm there and you don't want to be bored.
I like to tell myself it's because we are both shy. Both to afraid to keep the conversation going in case the other gets bothered. I know I feel that way, always have, even with some of my closest friends. But maybe that's too much hope. Maybe you never think of me outside of when you're seeing me.
You and I appear to be very different but also very similar and I wonder if you see it too. Our vibes seem to compliment each other I think. You probably don't see it though. You probably just see a casual classmate who texts you random things and wish she'd stop.
I know so little about you. It's why I pay so close attention when you speak. I remember nearly everything you tell me. Then when I bring you up in conversation, because I was reminded of something you said, they ask If I think you know as much about me as I do you. Those times I've been asked that from different people, really made me question my attentiveness. Maybe I am too enraptured by you. And I would have to say, you don't know as much about me. You don't ask as many questions as I do, and I am mostly a listener. I like to think you still listen to what I do say, and find what I don't. That is too much to hope for though, for a guy I only see on average of 3 times a week and message very little.
Why do you fill my thoughts so much? Besides your initial charm, what is keeping my heart tied to you? We have no real romantic connection, yet I don't dare let myself even look for another. I've had other's chat me up, but I kept them at arms length. The only one I want to get to know better is you.
I know I'm capable of long conversation to get to know you, it's just a matter of, if you'll let me. I see potential, you just have to see it too. But I don't think I can make you, and we rarely speak. So I think, I must move on. Or maybe go stronger, but the fear is you'll be put off by me, and that can ruin all dynamics. So I think I just have to give up on you and you can stay never having thought anything like this.