to my sons incarcerated father

Subject: to my sons incarcerated father
From: the mother of your son
Date: 8 Mar 2018

Everyday I sit and look at our son with millions of thoughts rushing through my head, I can't help but to be mad at you and even hate you for chosing drugs and jail over the precious little boy that looks at me like I am the best thing in the world, and to him I am because he knows nothing else but Mommy. He's almost 4 and this is your second time in jail, you've missed all the firsts, his first steps, first day of pre-k at daycare and you will miss so much more. He will be almost 7 when you get out this time, and he will not remember much about you. You ruined your relationship with him and its nobody's fault but your own. But a part of me cant help but be thankful, while you are sitting in jail I get to spend everyday with him, I get to watch him learn and grow, I get to be there for all of his firsts and at every holiday, I'm the one that gets to cuddle with him and watch a movie or read a book. To him I'm a hero, and thanks to you I'm the best thing he knows. I get to look at him everyday and know that I'm the one doing right by him when you couldn't, and even though my heart breaks at the thought of one day explaining to him why his friends daddies are at home and his isn't, I know that it will make me an even bigger hero in his eyes knowing that mommy always has been and always will be there for him. So thank you for fucking up and making me the best parent to our son.