Letter to my Narcissist Ex,
It’s hard for me to think about me before you …and me after you… and what this relationship or lack of did to me… what once was a beautiful strong, independent, fearless, loving, trusting , and empathic person you took and stripped away everything that made me …me!! You took my magic and made it seem like I was poisonous. What attracted you to me were the same qualities you tried to use against me later and twist and turn, gas-lighting, and projecting everything on me until one day I actually believed that everything was my fault. You destroyed the parts of myself that I loved. You made me feel crazy and at the same time unknowingly I was in love with a fraud, a mask, someone who played the behavior of someone I would want sooo well that I believed it was really you and that you really loved me the way you said you did ( I mean who can fake tears like that) LOL… I was naked to my soul with nowhere to turn but the mirror and I did not like what was looking at back at me anymore.. A girl that would have never accepted this kind of treatment in the past …. Took it…for 4 years I let you get away and do things to me that nobody on this earth should have to go through. But sadly, I was not the first nor will I be the last… you will move along from person to person soaking up every ounce of who they were until they have nothing left to give you , then you will toss them away as if they meant nothing ( because to you they didn’t) and find your next victim. When you would say sorry and do ugly things and apologize I used to want so badly to believe you because unlike you, I knew how to love and have compassion, and boy did I love what I thought you were until the mask the fell off. Once it fell off it took me another whole year to finally see you for who you really were.. I didn’t want to believe it, my mind fought my heart every step of the way making it soo difficult to walk away from you. I wanted to fix you, I wanted to help you, I wanted to be the one that you really loved but now I know… a person like you wants all these things from someone that they are incapable of giving back. You don’t know how to love, or have empathy, or compassion, because you don’t care or love anything but yourself. I didn’t want to believe it … that a human being could be so careless and not have a heart but instead a hollow fragment of a deep hole that people get sucked into like an abyss. I didn’t believe you couldn’t love until we had our daughter… and I told myself how someone can love anything if they don’t even love their own child. I knew at that point I wasn’t dealing with a person.. I was dealing with an emotionless monster. The person in the mirror was scared, my insecurities were higher than they have ever been, you never physically abused but the verbal and emotional abuse took me a long time to get over. I am thankful now that I know who you are and will know others like you from this point forward. I will never make the mistake again of falling for your type. That is most valuable lesson you gave me in our time together and the best gift I received from you was our child…. And with all my power she will know she is loved even if its’ only me showing her. One day I woke up and decided enough was enough … you dumped me over a year ago for your job among other women and your need to feel wanted and special. See I never needed you…I only wanted you… but you need people… you need people to make you feel worthy. Because all the things you tried to blame on me and say I was …like insecure, and bi-polar and jealous…. This was all the things you were!!! And for a brief moment you made me believe I was those things. But not anymore…. I know better!! That magic is still in me …it just isn’t there for you anymore. Little by little I put myself back together; I coached myself back to my full strength and not you or anyone like you can break me forever. I might fall but I always get back up with the Lords help …. And no matter what I went through with you, my past, or anything yet to come.. Nobody will change who I am as a person. I know exactly who and what I am single and whole just as I am but blessed if you have someone who loves you back the same way… you were lucky to have me. I didn’t loose!!! I won!!
Because you will never be happy, nobody can make someone happy no matter how hard they try that doesn’t know how to give love and empathy and compassion, those people never experience the joy that comes from those feelings because you are unable to feel them. I used to be scared about you moving on thinking oh my gosh,, If I can’t have him I’m going to die, or wow she will be so lucky…. But now I feel sorry for whoever you have or will have.. Because I know exactly what you are going to do to them especially if they were in a vulnerable moment like I was when I met you. But I didn’t lose.. What did I lose? Someone who lied continuously and actually believed his lies, broken promises, plans always falling through, you wanting to be everywhere else but with me and the kids, not helping with anything, so undependable and unreliable. And you were the most unappreciative person I have ever met, beyond selfish and just asked myself so many times how did you get this way? I used to feel sorry for you but now I don’t. Because if you truly wanted to seek help for yourself you could, but the fact is you don’t care, you never will because as long as you get what you want you’re happy for a period and then miserable, cause you’re a miserable human being and misery loves company. But you will have to play your games elsewhere…like I said I didn’t loose…. You lost a person who was always there for you through thick and thin, who would have done anything and everything to see you smile, who made you and the kids her priority, someone who never lied to you and was always faithful. You lost the most caring, loving, warm, smart, beautiful, courageous girl you could have ever had….. maybe one day you will get help and if you do kudos you need it… but don’t ever come back this way telling me about how bad you messed up and I’m sorry….. Because you’re sorry means absolutely nothing to me … about as worthless as this letter is to you…. Or a chunk of gum under the rail at a subway station… just trash…you are trash… not even recyclable trash …. So goodbye and don’t ever talk to me again, you are not allowed nor welcome in my great presence… my magic is for the deserving only ….. And you are waste of my time and my air.