We've been friends for such a long time; sometimes I still have trouble believing that we're actually a couple now. Of course we've never been the closest of friends, we only met each other because I was dating your friend at the time. I'm sorry that we broke the "bro-code". I don't remember how or when we met, I don't remember my first thoughts about you. What I do remember, though, is the day I saw you again.
You just started at the factory in my department. I didn't know you were there until you said hello to me. I want to say that day was the start of it all, but this isn't a fairy tale about "love at first sight". For months we shared the occasional hello and small talk. I'd like to think that's when we grew a little closer as friends. I didn't grow feelings for you on my own. As you know, I needed convincing to realize you were something special. When you bid on another job in the plant, I'll admit I was a little disappointed that you were going to be leaving my department, but your new job required you to be everywhere in the factory, so I knew I would still see you every day.
I told myself so many times that you were just my friend. Then one day I looked at you while you were moving barrels and.. I don't know. I saw you differently. I fought so hard against my feelings for you, but the more I fought them, the stronger they became. It took me a few weeks to be able to admit that I had a crush on you, and instead of continuing to admire you from afar, I tried to talk to you more. I tried to force conversations inside and outside of work, very poorly might I add. I think I tried too hard at first haha. I remember the first time I asked you to hang out with me. It was horrible. I was nervous, I had nothing planned. Those few hours were a complete disaster!
I kept trying though. Until you got a girlfriend, that is. I severely backed off after that. I wanted you to be happy, and for a few months you were. Even though apart of me just wanted to talk to you. Eventually I suppressed my feelings for you, and got into a relationship of my own. We still talked here and there, which I was very grateful for. You injured your back and when you healed up you were put back into my department, so I got to talk to you a lot more.
We both know how sour our relationships got after awhile. When I say sour I mean.. well they ended horribly. With my ex being thrown out and homeless by my parents for what he did and your ex getting thrown in jail for the things that she did. We won't go down those dark paths.
It was after those that we started to hang out outside of work. Drink together mostly, but it was fun. I enjoyed all those nights we spent around a fire with a couple of other people, listening to music, and having a few beers. More than once, you and I had a few too many and you had to help me walk. What I remember vividly, was the first night I stayed over your house because I was too far gone to drive myself home. It was the first night that you kissed me. I was sitting on the cooler, no.. I was rocking back and forth on the cooler because I couldn't sit still. You stood behind me to keep me from falling off of it, and laughed at my drunken stupidity. I looked up at you, and you looked at me. You leaned in and kissed me. My heart sore and I was caught in complete bliss. The friend we were with cheered because he was waiting for that moment between us for weeks. Many more kisses happened that night. It was the happiest I felt in months.
You brought me back to your house and we talked and I confessed my feelings for you, like a drunken moron. You said that you felt the same way for me, but you weren't ready for a relationship. I understood, and promised not to rush you. For the next couple of months we had a.. friends with benefits..relationship. It made me worried because I felt like you were using me. So I confronted you about it. I apologized if it seemed like I was pushing, but I didn't want to be trampled. We talked for hours and it ended with you asking me to be your girlfriend.
Now that the story of our brief past is over, I can get to what I really want to say. I've had feelings for you for over a year and a half, and I've been in love with you for five months. We've been dating for almost four months. I love our relationship. It's free and wonderful. We have more interests than I thought we did, and we get along great. Relationships are hard for me because I always feel like I have to keep doing interesting things to keep you interested in me. I'm afraid of being boring to you. But with you, I'm not afraid of being boring. Spending time with you, no matter what we're doing, is always fun to me. We could be sitting in your living room just watching stupid movies on Netflix, or I could be watching you play video games, and I'm always happy. I do enjoy finding new hobbies to do with you, adventures are always fun no matter how small they are.
You make me feel like I'm worth something in this world. I know it's so cheesy to say something like that, but I can't help myself. I do love you, I've meant it since the first time I've said it and every time afterwards. I want to be able to build a future with you, I'm not saying "hey lets get married and be together forever!", no not at all. Maybe someday if that's what you want. But what I want is to be able to hold onto you for as long as I can. I want you in my future, and to build something that will last.
I love you Brandon. With all of me that I have to offer.
