In your point of view, I was rude to you when I said ‘’ do me a favour, please leave me alone!’’. I’m certain it’s the last thing you’ve expected from me. You never knew or imagined this sweet girl you’ve known about for few months (let me correct, whom you have kept deep in the darkness and taken for granted) who is lovely and kind can never be able to turn you down, even after you broke her heart. If you have any idea how deeply you hurt me, when you vanished into thin air a few months earlier without any explanation, you’ve never say ‘’you’re being irrational and rude’’.
We have been ‘online dating’ (virtually online!) for few months before we met in person. Do you remember those days? Perhaps not! Let me remind you, we’d been on the phone from 9pm to 3am easily every single day. Just like carefree teenagers! One thing amazed me was we had the ability to talk about anything under the sun! Literally anything, from religion to world politics to sports… you name it we discussed and enjoyed each of those conversations. I guess I was kind of certain that we’d be great together even before we met in person (that’s was not what happened). I have to admit that, it was kind of silly, even on this modern technically advanced world, I haven’t even seen a single photo of you until I met you in person! That is a bit weird anybody would say – I thought it’s extraordinary (I guess, I was trying to rationalise everything!).
I still remember that weekend in the autumn you came over to see me and I thought we had a great time together. What I failed to realise was that feeling wasn’t mutual (well, until you confessed weeks later I was convinced we had a great time together). A bit of honesty would have been make this encounter very different, my dear. You knew how much I value the honesty and in fact I’m brutally honest about everything. The only thing I asked from you is honestly the very thing you failed to bring to the table!
Did you think I didn’t realise that you were being distant since then? You got me wrong! You gave me so many reasons though! You were busy with writing or with farming or with studies. I have to admit, I believed you initially (the silly girl in me!!). But the sceptical girl in me, had realised very soon what is the truth. Even when I begged you to tell me what is going on, you decided to deceive me!
Remember, I showed up in your little town to surprise you on your birthday? The single most romantic thing I’ve never done for anybody, before! I was shaken about the reception I got though. You were not happy at all. I would have thought this is normal, perhaps in a little rural Irish town a foreign girl showing-up and going out with a local lad is a bit strange and attention seeking. Thus you didn’t want that unwanted attention. But your actions later was beyond acceptable!! Do you remember next morning when I got to know I have no bus from your town to get back home, you were not concerned at all and left me at the B&B for me to deal with it? (never mind that I’ve never been into your part of the country before and I have only been living in your country just for few months!). That’s the moment I realised you’re taking me for granted! Silly girl, you don’t deserve this! However, as reasonable as I am, I still was hoping you will explain why (which never happened!). Instead, you completely ghosted me!!! I was worried sick. I thought something bad happened and I had no choice but to talk to your friend (the only living soul I know to contact in any emergency related to you). You should know, I was so relieved that you’re all right, perhaps it’s just you don’t want to talk to me or anything. It was heart breaking and was very hard for me to move on. You’ll ask ‘’how come? You’ve very strong, in fact you moved here by yourself’’. Yes, that’s right, but no I’m not that strong when it comes to things like this. It would have been easier, If I had someone to talk about this. I was by my own with no close friends to talk about it, by then. Anyhow, I got over with it months later!
They say ‘’what goes around, comes around’’. So, you came around, hoping that I’d embrace you with open arms! That is where you got me wrong, my dear. You begged me to forgive you. You were long forgiven for all the heat breaking and taking me for granted. But, the pain you caused has never forgotten!! You want to know why? It’s because I love myself than I love anybody else. Because, I can’t hurt myself anymore. I realised, who hurt me the most was not you! but me when I refused to take your actions as they’re but trying to rationalise them. I cannot let that happen again! You said ‘’ please, have mercy on me – I’d never do that again’’. Well, you may or may not. As far as I am concerned, I am done with you. Then you said ‘’ I can’t believe this is you, you can’t be rude to me. You’re better than this!’’. Excuse me! so when I try to safeguard myself, I’m being rude to you? When I begged to tell me what was going on and you simply ghosted me, wasn’t it being rude?? Yes, my dear, you’re dead right. I’m better than this, that’s why I do not walk down that road, I once been abandoned and learnt to get back on the track in the hard way!!!
So I’m telling you, If you just think before act, it may be very helpful to people surrounded by you and most importantly to yourself! I wish all the very best for you. We may or may not cross our paths again (it’s a small world after all!), If we do, do not hesitate to say ‘hello’.
To the man who ghosted me and later come begging to take you back into my life,