To The Man I Can't Stop Loving

Subject: To The Man I Can't Stop Loving
From: Abrasive
Date: 17 Aug 2015

You keep coming back into my life in ways that make me question everything. It's not even you doing it. I went to the book store last month and saw a book on display that we read together. It made me smile to remember how fun it was when we first met. That was that.

Have you ever seen The Office? I'd never seen it before, but last Thursday, I gave in because I kept seeing it everywhere. There are these characters called Jim and Pam. They reminded me of us back then. Later in the series, they get together. We never did that. Our timing was always just really bad.

I went to the book store again this weekend. As soon as I walked in, another book we read together was right there in the front. That was actually the book that caused us to meet. I bought it. I'm reading it again.

Thinking about you so much all of a sudden has taken a toll on my mood. I can't get you out of my mind. You know what I realized a couple days ago? Your birthday is this week. As much as I would love to reconnect and talk to you every day like we did after graduation, I doubt your girlfriend would appreciate it. Mine wouldn't either. Bad timing again.

I'll just post on your Facebook wall and say "Happy birthday"

Do you remember the day we walked around the park and you poured everything out from your head? "No one knows this stuff except for my family." That's what you said. Why did you tell me? Why didn't you tell the girl you were dating?

One time, in math class, our friend took a picture of us sitting together with my camera. My best friend was browsing through the photos and said that we looked really cute and I needed to delete the picture. I wish I didn't.

It's been four years since we graduated and I thought we'd never speak again. I texted you the night I tried to kill myself and you didn't stop talking to me until I calmed down. I saved those messages.

It's been 2 years since we last spoke. You apologized for flirting. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend" is what you said.

I miss hugging you every day. You would always squeeze me really tight and rock me from side to side before letting go. You never let me frown while I was around you. Everything we said and did was for laughs. Except that time we looked up during a friend's prayer. That look we gave each other. I'll never forget it. It was that look of regret and sadness.

I keep hoping you'll talk to me, but it's so stupid to even think you'd want to talk to me. Your girlfriend is so beautiful. I saw you guys just moved in together too. I guess it's pretty serious.

Anyway, I never told you this, but I love you. I've been in love with you since 10th grade and it just won't go away. I need to start letting you go.

I guess I'll stop reading that book.