A Letter to My Sperm Donor

Subject: A Letter to My Sperm Donor
Date: 5 Mar 2016

I don't even have the joy of calling you "Dad" because according to you I'm not your child. I didn't get to have a relationship with you because you weren't there for me and didn't try to be. You let the issues you had with my mom stop you from being in my life, and because of that you broke me before anyone else ever had the chance to. I reached out to you, 24 years later and you're still bashing my mom, only bashing her to me is worse than bashing her to your family. You don't realize it but I didn't let her say anything bad about you, I just wanted you to give her the same respect but you couldn't put any resentment you had towards her to the side instead you let your pride or whatever you wanna call it stop you from being in my life when I gave you the opportunity TWICE. You don't claim me which is fine, I guess I'm beating myself up over someone that never gave a damn about me & never will. The only thing I will ever be grateful for from you is the fact you helped me get put into this world and you showed me the type of father I need to make sure my children don't end up with. You showed me that no matter how old people get, some people never change. You showed me that age doesn't really mean anything because I'm 24 & I'm more mature than I think you'll ever be. You not being there for me doesn't hurt me as much as it's made me think and feel like I wasn't good enough, but guess what even with my flaws(which everyone has some), my bad decision & my screw ups I know there's people out there that think I'm an amazing person. I have someone who loves me unconditionally, even with me being as broken and damaged as I am. There's people out there that would say I've done a pretty damn good job. I've accomplished more than you did when you were my age. I graduated high school, proudest day of my life & you should have been there but you weren't! You taught me from afar how to show my stepson and future children that I love them and would never give up on them. You showed me the type of person I will NEVER be to them. I don't hate you, in fact I truly hope you're happy with the choices you made by not fighting for me, but I pray one day your eyes are opened. I pray one day you realize that you should have fought, you should have respected me by not bashing my mom, you should have wanted to make a relationship with me because if that day ever comes, I won't allow you around me. I pray one day the guilt, shame, and regret just eats away at you slowly. I hope your other children are proud to call you their "father" because for the past 24 years & the rest of my life you have been and always will be nothing but my sperm donor. So from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for NOT being there. For letting me go and thinking it wouldn't bother me, or thinking you wouldn't have done a good job whatever the excuse you have is. Thank you for choosing your drugs over me, your girlfriends, jail, and prison. At the end of the day whether your eyes will ever be opened or not, I know in my heart and my mind I did the right thing by reaching out to you TWICE & trying to have that relationship & because of you not trying you let the man who has been the ONLY father figure I've had in my life show me what it's truly like to be loved and cared about like a daughter. In the future my children will eventually learn that the man they will call "PopPop" isn't my sperm donor & if they're anything like me they're going to ask me questions, and I will not lie to them, I will tell them everything but they will know that I thank you for all of it, and that to me, is one of the biggest & best things I'll ever be able to do in life!!