A Letter to the Friend I Fell For

Subject: A Letter to the Friend I Fell For
Date: 3 Jul 2016

You’re one of my best friends in the world. I couldn’t imagine my life without our long talks and our little jokes, but, somewhere along the way, I fell for you. Hard. And here is an attempted explanation of the progression of my feelings.

You Made Me Laugh
You’re one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, and that’s what drew me to you. You crack little jokes and say silly things that just make me die laughing.

You listened
I talked for hours, and you listened. Who does that? Who lets me rant about school and friends and life and fears until really late at night? You. You always listen. You are my voice of reason when I don’t have one. You are my listening ear when I need one.

You Were Real
You put on a show. You want to be liked, but the time I like you best is when you’re YOU- not the “you” you let people see, but the YOU that I get to see all the time-- the goofy, loving, wonderful boy who drives around with me at 2am, the one who doesn’t know how to buy gas, The one who LOVES to play four square, the one who acts like a child, the one who sings in a creepy old man voice and rocks out to Sweet Caroline, the one who takes turns a little too quickly to make me scream, the one who went to prom with me and drove because his mom told him it was a pain to drive in a dress, the one who makes the stupidest joke ever and keeps repeating it because he thinks it’s SO GOOD, the boy who plays with my hand when he’s nervous and lays on me when he’s tired, the one who forgets he’s taller than I am, the one who rants and complains and lets loose, the one who grabs onto me at scary movies, The one who talks about his life and his fears with me. That’s the boy everyone should know, but I’m glad I’m one of the few who have gotten to meet him.

You Gave Me Hope
Before we were friends, I was giving up. I was giving up on the idea of making friends in college. I was giving up on loving my senior year. I was giving up on love. YOU changed that. I never thought I could make friends so easily, but you showed me that friendship isn’t about how long you have known someone. Friendship is about how deep you know someone. If I could get to know you so well in six months, then I sure as hell can get to know people at school next year. YOU gave me that confidence. Senior year was alright. I hung out with people once in a while. It was honestly pretty dang boring though. I was just about to accept the fate of a thoroughly mediocre senior year when you were dropped into my lap. You made this year one for the record books. I couldn’t have done it without you. I have never dated anyone, and I had not even really liked anyone for a while before you. I was giving up on love in high school, but you were different and I fell for you. I’m not broken. I was just waiting for the right boy.

You Gave Me Love
I can feel your love for me all the time. You may not say it, but you show it. I see your love in the way you listen to me, I see it in the way you laugh at my jokes, I see it in the things you say to me, I see it in the little gestures that you make for me, I saw it in the way you hugged me tight and wouldn’t let go before I left for a month, I saw it when you told me we’d be friends forever.

I tried to be content with being friends, but you mean so much more to me. I remember the little things because every little thing about you is important to me.

But I’m leaving. We have a month together and then I’m leaving. Off to college. Three hours away. I don’t think I’ll tell you all of this because I’m scared. I’m scared that you won’t feel the same way. I’m afraid that you will, but you’ll say we can’t because long distance would suck too much. I’m afraid that we’ll start dating and then break up and ruin one of the best friendships I’ve ever witnessed. I’m afraid of all possibilities. So I’ll probably keep this to myself. Maybe I’ll tell you in ten years when we bump into each other at the super market or the coffee shop, but for right now: I love you. I love you so much that I’m not going to tell you. Because I need you in my life, and I’m not willing to take that gamble.