This is my last chance to really try and just explain things and try to write everything thats going on in my head, please just read this and know everything is true. Well ill start from the start...yeap. When we first started as you know already i didnt know the real you and i thought we really wouldn't get along at all, the first night we properly we spoke you were drunk you made me laugh so much cause you were doing crazy stuff and saying stuff i didnt really understand but i still really liked it! That same night you said there was something about me and you like me and i felt the exact same way, that night i went to bed with butterflies in my stomach and i felt excited and nervous about the way i felt. I knew before i met you i never felt love for anyone and everything people decribe its like is exactly the way i felt and it was amazing. I feel like i got to know alot about you, you are so caring about people, you are sensitive sometimes in the nicest way possible and the people you care about you protect so much but i know i still had alot more to learn. I fell in love with you quickly and deeply and every moment we spoke i forgot about everything else and it felt amazing. Alot of happened and i know most of it was my fault, i listened to other people when I shouldn't have, I said things I didn't mean when i was angry and i should have always told you how much i did want you. Now everything is very bad and im sorry if i contributed at all to you feeling bad and i hate that you are, I don't ever want to annoy you or add to the pressure, i just am finding it impossible to give up on you because i do believe you being on your own in all this isnt good and i want to so badly, more than anything in this world to just be there for you and help you. I know you are not thinking about anything else but getting better but i am just so worried and i really miss you from my life..nothing feels right because you were a massive part of it. I never cared about the age gap or how hard things would get because i know its how life is and it will always have ups and downs and everything would be ok if me and you were good. I know people showing you they care is important to you and this is my best attempt at that. I don't know what will happen now i just needed to do this and if you still decide this isnt right then i do wish you the very best and know i love you more than anything Lauren and i hope you do not hate me and my intention was never to be selfish even if they came across that way. I love you.
