to the Guy I Loved, but Never Told

Subject: to the Guy I Loved, but Never Told
Date: 11 Mar 2016

Dear Guy,
I have loved you since the seventh grade.
I didn't know it then, and refused to acknowledge it years later when it dawned on me for the first time.
I "liked" other guys, I had "crushes" on other guys.
But you were always that one Guy.
You were the Guy that, when asked who I would marry out of every guy I knew, I chose even though I was completely infatuated with someone else. You were the Guy who could make me smile on any day of the week, at any time, no matter what mood I was in. and You were the Guy that I went to when I was hurting and trusted just as you trusted me.
I listened to you as you went through the same heartbreaks I did, and I watched you mature and grow into a better man every day. And every day I fell a little more in love with you until I realized there was a reason I didn't like your girlfriend and there was a reason senior prom sucked so much and there was a reason going through college without you seemed like death.
I was in love with you. I still am.
You never noticed.
You never noticed the subtle hints, the smiles I couldn't contain, and the way I looked away if we ever made eye contact for more than a second. You never noticed that I talked about a boy who didn't like me back even though neither of us were dating and we were good friends and got along so well it seemed ridiculous.
You never noticed.
I broke my friend's heart when I told him I didn't love him, because I was in love with You. You were the Guy, you Are the Guy. And you have absolutely no idea.
So I wait.
I wait on the sidelines as we go through our wonderful friendship ever so platonically. I wait for you to finally notice that I am so head over heels for you that I would drop everything to be with you, to love you out loud, to kiss you just. once.
But You.
In your goodness and laughter and music and intelligence and compassion and gentleness.
You cannot see how much I love you. and so I am silent. Silent and waiting.
Not the Girl