Letter to D
Dear D. Whatever everything, you will always be “dear” for me.
Our story began like story from movie. We accidentally met each other in square, when I was learning to ride bicycle. I was standing just with my friend and you with your friends came to us and started to talk. We thought it is dispute between you and your friends. From the first day me and you we discussed different things and it was interesting. After this day I wrote to you ( 8th of May). From this day we started to meet each other. Our views to life and even interests were totally different. But despite it we continued to talk. I am with my difficult personality and you are something strange - together were in harmony. You always said “ Why you are not looking at me, why you are so shy”? I liked it, I liked be shy with you. I felt myself with you like little happy princess. You were something mysterious for me. I have never seen people like you. You were for me something strange and meantime interesting.
But this happy fairytale proceeded not for a long. Between us has appeared the small crack. We wanted to talk but in meantime something was wrong. I started to notice that sometimes you are laid-back person, you do not respect religion. This made me upset. With these to criterias - I am your absolute antithesis. But after all that something pulled me to you. Maybe because I could go with you for a walk without make-up ,maybe because you have never done me feel - fat. When my friend ask from you “ What would you do if Aru came fat? And you said “ I would be also fat with Aru”.
But why appeared crack which grown up to big crack. Unfortunately it was my leaving. You understood that I will leave after one month and thought “ For what these relationships”? What else was for crack? That you could not talk with me open about us and discuss our relationships. You were afraid to fall in love to me, afraid to conceive an affection for myself and thought that it would to me better. But was it good for me? NO! I did not care about leaving. For me were more important our relationships and unforgettable month which we could spend. But “ Love cannot be compelled “. You fell in love ,you shared with me but you did not show to me…
Most of all offended me, is that you always compared to your former. You said “ You will change after arriving to Kazakhstan”. She changed to bad side but WHY I HAVE TO CHANGE TO BAD SIDE? WHY ONE YEAR IN AMERICA HAS TO CHANGE ME?
You offended me with the indifferent opinion and words more than once.
- I will come to you to your school (D)
- Why will you come? (me)
- What’s the stupid question? I will come to you (d)
- Just stand and do not say anything? (me)
- OKAY/ I won’t come.
Despite everything I tried to forget your words. Because I knew that you just wanted to push away me from yourself. Thinking that this best decision for both of us. But you didn't even ask whether I want it. I always was in hope that you will change your decision. Alas it did not happen. But when I was in Moldova on the contrary you started to write to me by yourself. You wrote to my friend that “ I have only realized that Aru is far from me. You have told that you miss me. “ But it was very late to change our situation. I have been very offended because you even haven't come to the station to see me off.
What connect us now? Only memoirs. Because we are on different continents and neither you nor I don't want close communication, and perhaps just we want to extinguish our feelings and to forget about everything. I really loved you , for me you were especially person. After three months I have no strong sympathy for you any more. Perhaps because you have strongly offended me up to the soul depth. Especially the phrase when I has told that I can't go to walk because I was not in hometown and mother was afraid to release me somewhere and you have answered that “ Nobody can walk with you “ (like dog).
I don't know what expects us when I arrive. Maybe we will start everything anew or we will pretend that we don't know each other not to wake our offenses and our feelings.
Forgive me for my character.
D - I don't hate you, but also I don't love you. I want that you will understand your mistakes. I hope that you will meet girl with whom you will be happy. Don't blame my departure because thanks to departure we got acquainted.
You are my mysterious little man. Take care.