You were my hero. My night in shining armor. You were gunna walk me down the isle at my wedding. You were supposed to be my best friend. But it turns out that I was just a lonely kid making up these things in her head. Because I now realize you are a coward. Pathetic even! You were supposed to protect us from anything and everything. But it turns out you were too busy staying at your girlfriends house or too busy allowing these things to happen under the same roof we slept!
I was molested EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY and I used to watch my sister get beat almost every night and the man who was supposed to help and save the day was stealing our things from us and bringing them to his girlfriends house. You were never there. I found comfort in being molested because SOMEONE WANTED ME.. how fucking sick is that? I use to wait for her to get home so I had a friend and someone to hangout with, because my sister was too busy not coming home because she didn't wanna get hit, and you were at work. I don't think you understand how fucked up my childhood was. It's fucking sick to think that you were okay with this going on.. What the fuck did you expect to happen.?
I grew up wanting someone to want me. I used to stay up just so I could go out in the middle of the night and sit on the couch with grandma and watch SNL or a game show. I remember such little shit and details because those were the best times of my life. Because nothing else was good! I don't blame all of this shit just on you. There are others too so don't think I just wanna hurt you by telling you all of this. But wait... Why should I be worried about your feelings when you obviously don't give a shit about mine.
Right now. I am a fucking awesome, sweet, beautiful, funny 16 year old girl who claims to not have a father because I have a sperm donor. Because he only texts me when it's relevant! He only loves me when it's in the right time for him. I don't want to make you want me! I don't wanna have to force you to love me and realize that I am a fucking great person! I may not be the best because I'm sitting here balling my eyes out not going to school because I just need 1 fucking day to myself. I don't want to make you want me! I don't need you! I have the greatest mom on fucking earth. You may hate her but she is my world. If she never would've sobered up and came to the rescue and taken me from you. I'd be a run away, maybe a heroin addict, I'd probably have a kid or two by now or maybe I would've cut the pain off a long time ago and killed myself. But I wouldn't know because instead of you being my hero in the story like I thought it was supposed to be. My mom is the hero in my story! She saved me from you! You treat my 3 little brothers great!! You're probably the worlds best dad to them!
And I don't think you understand how happy that makes me!! They deserve the fucking world!!! I love them with all my heart! But ya know what sucks? The fact that I'm not good enough for you. The fact that you can treat me like shit but treat them amazing.. You are a selfish man. You don't think of me, or love me, you might say you do. But in reality if you loved someone so much wouldn't you want to give them the world.? Not treat them like they're nothing?
It's crazy because I am this amazing 16 year old girl who just wants a fucking dad. But I don't think I want you as a dad because you're already a dad to 3 beautiful boys! So I'm gunna say this now.. I am going to be a strong, independent beautiful 16 year old girl with a sperm donor. I want you to give everything in your ability to those boys!! Tell them that there sister loves them so fucking much and that the way I wanna show them I love them, I'm gunna give them a dad! Because I've been without one for so long, I don't need one now!! So they can have all of you! Because to them you are their world so I'm giving them the world by letting you go! I love you so much but I can't do this anymore. Because I don't want to make you want me! So as a 16 year old girl I'm gunna live my life to the best of my ability and not let anyone hold me back. I'm gunna grow up to have kids and a husband and he is going to be a great father and I am going to be successful and give my kids the world! I love you but right now.. I'm done!
