"Dear Phil"

An open letter to the man that stopped to render aid after I wrecked my car. I hadn't hugged anyone in years. I don't like to be touched and I cringe and go stiff when people try to hug me. I don't have a significant other, I don't even date. I'm neither lonely or content. I just am. I'm alone. The nightmare has been haunting me for as long as I can remember. I'm very young, 3 maybe 4. I'm in the back seat of a car in the dead of night. It's completely pitch black outside and I'm all alone in the car. Suddenly, it starts driving all by itself. There's no one in the drivers seat. There's no one except me, in the car. I try to open the door to get out but I can't. They're all locked. There's no one to scream for, there's no one who would even care. The fear is unimaginable and I am paralyzed because of it. After the wreck, you grabbed my arms and asked if I was alright. I told you I was but clearly the way my body was shaking, it was obvious, I wasn't. I was in the nightmare just seconds before you got to me. I was in the live version of my night terror that has haunted me for half a century. You looked hard into my eyes, into my soul. Suddenly the adrenaline slowed and my body went limp. I wanted to crawl into a corner somewhere and just go to sleep. I couldn't focus or communicate effectively due to the adrenaline crash. You were so handsome is all I can remember. I was completely consumed with your beautiful smile. When you touched me, it felt like routine. It felt like you'd touched me a million times and it felt good. I didn't cringe or stiffen up like usual. It felt really good, to be honest. I don't dream about the car anymore. I am no longer haunted by it. I don't cringe when someone hugs me now. You did that. I don't know why or how, you just did, and sadly, you'll never know. I see your handsome face sometimes, in my dreams. You're smiling and your happy. I think about you every day. I write to you all the time, "Dear Phil".