Dear Dad

Dad- Do I even call you that anymore? I mean who calls their abuser dad. You took everything from me. You were supposed to be my protector. You were supposed to be my superhero. You were supposed to be the man I looked up to. But none of that is true. Once upon a time ago it was true. But that all changed when mom died. You changed when mom died. Why did you change?
Is it because I'm exactly like her in every way? Is it because you couldn't stand to look at me and see her? If not, then why? Why did you feel the need to scream at me every night? Why did you lock me in my room 24/7 except for when I was at school? I remember when you told me that my depression was all my fault, that if I wanted to be happy then I would be. How can you expect someone to be happy when they have you as a dad? How can you expect someone to be happy when their mom died and 4 months later their dad starts dating again? It's like you didn't even love her. How can you get engaged to someone 4 months after dating them?
Mom had only passed 8 months before then. That's not fair to me. You knew I wasn't ready for that. I told you I didn't care if you wanted to date. But I also told you to not bring her around me until I told you I was ready. Instead, you brought her home 2 weeks after that discussion. How could you?! It's been a year since you even spoke to me and I can remember that night I moved out like it was yesterday. I guess that's the one thing you did you, letting me move in with grandpa and grandma. I was planning on committing suicide that night. Not sure if you know that or not because I know you think the self-harm is for attention.
If it was for attention I wouldn't have hid it from you for so long. You dropped me off at grandma and grandpa's house that night because you didn't want to "deal with me" anymore. You wouldn't let me bring anything with me. I didn't even have any clothes for 2 weeks until you decided I could have some of my stuff back.
I only got one bag of clothes and that was it. You've gotten rid of all my stuff now and you haven't given me anything. I'm not even worried about clothes. I just want the stuff that irreplaceable, like my medals from Cross Country, the letters from my teammates when mom was sick, the letters mom wrote me, etc.
The night you I moved out was the last time I ever spoke to you. And that's not even my fault. That one is all on you. You closed that door, not me. You told me that if I left you would never speak to me again. I've even tried to write you letter, which you've never answered. I'm not even sure you read them. I expect you just threw them away once you saw they were from me.
I'm not even sure I want a relationship with you anyways. I just want to see my little sister. I can't believe you won't let me see her. You can't punish us like this. I say us because it not only hurts me but it hurts her as well. She needs her big sister, she needs me. But because you are too stubborn to push your feelings aside, she can't have a relationship with me.
It's been a year since we last spoke and I can honestly tell you it's been one amazing year. I've had many new experience and I've met some pretty amazing people. But most of all I got away from you. I got away from the emotional abuse inflicted on me. I'm happy.