I remember it like it was yesterday, 3am laying in bed because I had that feeling, you know the feeling you get when you know something is wrong but you can't figure out what it is. Luckily for me I got the call at exactly 3:24am. "Something's happened, you need to get here." Instantly my heart drops, what happened? What do I do? So I rush out of bed, put on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt and rush to the hospital.
When I got there there it was mass confusion, just as you would imagine a typical Emergency Room would be. I walked to the front desk and told them my name and they tell me they already brought you to a room, so we walked down a maze of hallways to finally get to your room.
You don't look good, I've never seen you so weak and lifeless. They tell me you crashed your car, wrapped it around a pole. How did this happen? Why were you driving at 3am? So many questions are running through my head but all I can do is cry, and hold your hand as tightly as I could, and pray for a miracle.
You couldn't speak, you probably don't even know I was there. Your eyes were closed, skin pale, laying motionless in that hospital bed. I sat with you for eight long hours of sobbing and imagined having to live in a world without you. What a miserable world that would be.
The beeps started getting slower, your heart rate dropped in the 20's your respirations at 4. Suddenly there was an announcement "Code 22", little did I know it was for you. Dozens of hospital staff rushed into your room with a big red cart, it was so loud, I couldn't even see what was happening.
They all stayed for what seemed like forever until finally, one of your doctors out to me in the waiting room, "We're sorry, we did everything we could." Just as he was saying it, I saw your bed being rolled off the unit, I knew it was your bed because I tied a pink ribbon to the end of it, but I didn't see you in the bed, all that was there was a big white bag. That's when I knew.
The love of my life died that day. I lost my best friend. My whole world was turned upside down.
What were you dong? Why were you driving?
Well, they found your phone about 10 feet from the pole you hit, you had been texting your brother about me. You told him you couldn't sleep, and you know I had a really bad day, so you were coming to my house to surprise me.
How am I supposed to live for the rest of my life knowing I'm the reason you were in that car? If it weren't for me you would still be here. You were only 17.
I wish you were here. I wish I could hug you one more time, and thank you for being the most amazing boyfriend to me even when I didn't deserve it. After three wonderful years, you still made me fall in love every time I saw you, you were my soulmate. I had no doubt in my mind that we would've been together forever.
Everything happens for a reason, although at times it may be hard to understand. All I know is that I can't wait to see you again someday, until then please just remember...I love you forever.
-S
