Just wanted to share my LAST text to John:
The last text thread was pure sarcasm on my part. I caught you trying to fuck a total stranger in 5 min on FB.
you have the nerve to say you're shook up! Fucking laughable!
It was a fling. One of us can be honest.
I saw my initial trip as an escape. You lovebombed me fiercely after that. Lies, fantasies- I suppose you pulled out a reliable script. The words you said never matched your actions. I never fully believed you.
2nd and third trip, your excitement diminished and the reality crept in.
You knew when to reel me back in, and when to subtly insult me.
I never came, not once, on the third trip. Everything was about you. Rather, you went through the motions of pleasing your partner, as though we all like the same things.
I was blamed for things I had no control over. The minute I show my disappointment, our relationship is worthless. You require adoration, your self worth and others, is based upon it.
You're constantly on the lookout for someone else to excite you and feed your ego. I suspected as much. I was correct.
I may never understand why/how a person can lack compassion for others.
I won't dwell on the empty words you said to me. Originally, I was so hurt by the inconsistencies. The grandiose proclamations you honored me with are pitiful. Every time you grew cold and dismissive, my hope faded.
You still don't understand love is attached to a feeling.
It's a shame, because I wanted to believe you. I wanted to show you what acceptance and trust felt like.
But, clearly, you weren't interested.
You don't have much time left. I hope you find the one who pushes your wheelchair. I hope you fall madly in love (if you understand it)
Sadly, I fear you will continue this cycle of adoration,boredom, searching for the next and discard.