Dear Baby Collins,
Having just entered life and found myself as your father, you're probably thinking, "Great, who's this schlub?" I know, I know, I'm not all that impressive on first glance, but before you decide to pack your things and leave - which is entirely your right - allow me to make my case. If you are willing to hear it, please proceed.
While it is true that you exist as a result of your mother and I engaging in intimate copulation, such should not be the reason you accept me as your father. Sharing DNA should not be the basis for voluntary association. Rather, I advise you to consider the merits of any given association and its effect on your future happiness. Having dismissed the presumption of default association by blood, I will now proceed to explain why I'm your...
Family
Dear OB/GYN,
I’m the father of a two year old boy named Noah who was born with Down syndrome, and whom we love very much. I understand that in the course of your day to day work you often have the difficult responsibility of telling parents news they never thought they would receive; that there’s a good possibility that the little boy or girl in their mothers womb is going to be born with Down syndrome.
Why I’m Writing You This Letter
My hope in writing you this letter is to tell you some of the things I wish I would have known the day we found out our son was born with Down syndrome. Our son did not have a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome, and our amazing pediatrician did a great job of calming our fears, honoring the life of our boy, and letting us know we were in this...
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Dear Dad,
I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this effects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.
I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.
Because of pornography, I was...
4,687
Dear Pa,
I know you care deeply about many issues, especially social justice. You’re tired of wars, you’re ashamed of the attempts to destroy social programs in this country, you hate seeing the unions that helped you as a worker provide for our family get dismantled by wealthy CEOs whose only goal is to make themselves and their cronies more wealthy. These are noble things to believe in, and values that you’ve instilled in your children.
But you probably don’t often consider how you select and digest (and frequently, share on Facebook) the stories that you’ll accept as true. This is called cognitive bias–sorry, that’s a terrible article for a layman, but I’d be happy to discuss next time I’m home. Anyway, the bottom line is that the beliefs you already hold prime you to accept...
3,212
Dear mum,
I often ponder the story you told me long ago, of when you upped and left my biological father when I was just 6 weeks old, with little more belongings than just the clothes on your back. You’ve repeatedly told me that the reason you left is because you didn’t want me to grow up in a violent household. You chose not to stick with a familiarity that you weren’t happy with. You don’t know what was beyond the cliff but you knew I couldn’t be as bad as the life you knew then, so you jumped. You knew stepped into an abyss with a fully dependent baby girl with very little security and no idea what was coming around the corner. I think about that huge act of bravery a lot, these days. You had me at a younger age that I am now, bearing more responsibility than I do now, yet you knew...
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Dear Parents:
On behalf of your friends without children, I’m officially serving notice that you suck at being our friends.
We respect and admire you as parents, and we support your decision to have a family. However, we feel that once children entered your life, you stopped being the friend we thought you were. We have been shuffled to the bottom of your priority list, and our calls have gone unanswered. You broke up with us, abandoned us for another, and frankly, we’re a little miffed.
I know, I know. We just don’t understand the challenges of parenthood. Trust me, I’ve heard that argument before. For the record, I’ll stipulate that we the childless cannot know exactly what it’s like to be parents, but we’re still educated, intelligent, aware adults and thus capable of forming...
3,227
Dear Son/Future Apple Employee,
I’ll admit it: things might have been different if you were a first child. But, alas, that wasn’t your lot. Technically speaking—and the emphasis is definitely on “technical” here—you are my fourth kid and in the interim of raising your older brothers I have learned a thing or two. Like, for instance, the existence of boundaries. It’s been all well and good for me, this newfound sense of entitlement: to five minutes’ peace when I want it, to the entirety of my own breakfast, to arms free from the weight of your body at certain moments of the day. But for you, I’m afraid, there is only loss. Because you see this 2.31 by 4.5 inch rectangle with a picture of the forbidden fruit on its back? You know, the one you pine for endlessly? Well, it’s mine. Mine,...
3,054
Dear Ex-Fiancé,
Sometime last summer I contracted an infection in my left hand.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of: “That didn’t happen,” or “Classic Dramalie,” or “Are you talking about your eczema?”
It happened. My feelings are valid and I’m not being insane, exaggerative, weird, or any of the other cute nicknames you’ve given me. I resent that most of my spare time is occupied defending my sanity to you and others.
Yes, after we broke up I almost eloped with a stranger and then five minutes later had a difficult time explaining to him that I wasn’t ready to call him my boyfriend. And yes, on more than one occasion I have expressed an interest in giving up all of my vices—yet every time you see me I smell like a drunk tobacco factory....
6,530
Dear Grandpa,
I never knew you. You died when my dad was only a small child. And truth be told, I never really thought of you. Until now. I think about you every time I log in to check my bank account and am prompted to verify the first name of my paternal grandfather. I’m ashamed to say the first time this happened I had to think hard to remember the answer. That’s how little I thought about you. But now I am forced to reconcile with your memory every time I go to check an overdraft or transfer from savings. Over time this began to condition me to think of you in a negative light. It was Pavlovian. Every time I typed your name I would immediately be shown how poor I am. I began to resent you. What kind of name is “Espy” anyway?! But then I realized how unfair of me it is to place all...
3,672
Dear Son,
Every woman tells the story of her labour, just like old men regale youngsters with their exploits in the war. It’s our mothers’ privilege. So here’s mine. I know you’re not interested, but tough. Here goes.
I was just a kid and scared witless. I made out I wasn’t, but I was. My mother warned it wouldn’t be pleasant. And it wasn’t. I laboured with you for twenty two hours; my contractions were five minutes apart from the first two hours, and then four minutes apart for nearly fifteen, then three minutes for what seemed like forever. I didn’t think it would ever end.
And you know what? It didn’t really, because after I FINALLY delivered you (with the cord around your neck no less – freaking us all out on top of that!), I then only got to sleep in ten to sixty minute...
3,516