An Open Letter to Pro-Choice People,
You don’t know me, but I used to be one of you. In fact, I exercised my choice to have an abortion many years ago. The intent of this letter is to give you a glimpse into the reality of living with the aftermath of making such a choice.
You don’t need to know my name, what color I am, or where I’m from. All you need to know is I was young, a high school student. It was the early ’80’s and I was unexpectedly, and inconveniently, pregnant. I wasn’t the most popular girl in school, but I had friends, was involved in extracurricular activities, and was not a girl who slept around or had a bad reputation. I was the girl next door. So, what to do? Well, I certainly wasn’t planning to have a baby at 17. This was not socially acceptable by any means. I knew of other girls who’d chosen abortion, and it seemed like the best and easiest option at the time. Because of course, this eliminated me disappointing my parents, becoming an embarrassment to my family, being “that pregnant girl” at school, and giving up my carefree teenage life. It was the path of least resistance. How bad could it possibly be if it was legally my choice?
Without the knowledge or consent of a parent, I made an appointment to have an abortion. And cancelled it twice. Because I knew what I was planning to do was wrong, and I was seriously conflicted about it. But finally, before I was even old enough to vote, I made a life-altering decision, and I did it. I could give you a laundry list of reasons why - but the bottom line is: I was scared. And I could…because after all, I had the right to choose. During the procedure, the doctor, a board certified OBGYN in private practice, perforated my uterus. So severely, I hemorrhaged. Later that day, my mom found me laying in a pool of blood, unconscious, and bleeding profusely on the kitchen floor. I had emergency surgery to repair the damage, received a blood transfusion, was told I might not be able to ever have children, and spent the night in the hospital.
And THAT was the easy part.
After a brief absence from school (lots of people get the flu…), I recovered, resumed my normal life, graduated from high school and went to college. A few years later, I got pregnant again. But, this time, I got married and had the baby. A healthy, beautiful baby. And I went on to have more children. And everything seemed great, but somewhere along the way, under the surface of my psyche, an unavoidable, terrible, horrific realization and comprehension of what I had done at the age of 17 started to come to light. Abortion is an ugly word, used in place of an uglier word - murder. Because, that’s what it is. And that’s what I had done. I discussed this with no one, because how uncomfortable and awkward would that have been? When someone asks how you are, nobody ever says, “I’m having a bad day because I can’t get over the guilt and shame of killing my unborn baby”.
The physical scars healed years ago, but the emotional, mental, and psychological scars have never completely left me and still occasionally feel like open wounds. I have suffered unfathomable depths of guilt, shame, remorse, regret, bouts of depression and self-loathing, and begging God’s forgiveness for a mistake that can never ever be undone. For almost 35 years. And if you met me, you would never know, because by all accounts, I am a happy, strong, successful, productive mother, wife, employee, and citizen. I have great friends, an amazing husband, I love to laugh, and enjoy life. But, there are times when in spite of everything being good, something will trigger a memory, a feeling, an emotion that is followed by overwhelming guilt and grief. And on the outside, I appear A-OK, but on the inside I am unraveling and hanging by the tiniest of threads, because I feel like I might shatter at any moment. Without a doubt, my choice to abort my baby has impacted my life in ways I could never have imagined. In the past, I chose to have relationships with people who diminished my self-worth…coincidence? I don’t think so. Nobody tells you about these possible “complications” when you sign the consent form.
When you’re young, 9 months seems like forever. But in the scheme of a lifetime, which might be upwards of 90 years, it’s really very short. Enduring a full-term pregnancy pales in comparison to a lifetime of mental anguish. I thought having a baby at 17 would destroy my life. Little did I know, aborting it could cause irreparable destruction. I have been more fortunate than others. I recently learned women who’ve aborted a baby are much more likely to experience clinical depression, drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and even commit suicide later in life. This is the dark side of a political issue that is never discussed during a debate, and rarely discussed outside of that.
So, if you’re reading this, and you’re pro-choice, please think twice about the consequences of what that really means. Without question, you already know it is the termination of life (murder) of an unborn human baby. That’s a given, and that in itself is one of the most heinous acts you could ever imagine. But also think about the long-term consequences of living with this choice, because it never, ever goes away. It is always with you, like an invisible scar. Most women keep it a secret because it is so painful to admit that you or someone on your behalf, paid a doctor to kill your baby. I know there are extenuating circumstances that medically justify an abortion as the only option, but those are rare exceptions not the rule, and my heart goes out to these women.
The majority of abortions performed in the US are due to unplanned, unwanted pregnancies. It is a selfish choice made by women who argue things like, “it’s not the right time, my career will suffer, I’m too young, I can’t afford it, I’m not married/not in love/not in a relationship with the father, etc…” All of which is kind of ironic, because this decision to choose yourself over your unborn child might actually come back and wreak more havoc on your life than actually having the baby in the first place.
Think you can handle having an abortion and go on with your regularly scheduled life? Maybe you can. But do you really want to find out the hard way that you can’t?
I’m hoping you never have to make this choice, but if you find yourself (or your daughter, granddaughter, loved one, or friend) unexpectedly, inconveniently pregnant, do yourself a favor and choose life; please support the choice of life. Because it’s the most precious gift of all. Whether you choose to keep your baby or allow a couple devastated by infertility to adopt it (and there are SO MANY who desperately want a baby), you will never regret choosing life over abortion. You will never find yourself struggling to accept God’s forgiveness when you can’t forgive yourself. (Because, exactly how does a mother who loves her children forgive herself for ending the life of one?) You will sleep at night knowing no matter how hard things may be at the moment, you did the right thing. You made an honorable, respectable, decent, moral, admirable decision. A choice you can be proud of.
I hope my story can help save the life of one unborn baby and the wellbeing of one woman from the completely avoidable tragedy of abortion.
Sincerely,
Your Anonymous Neighbor, Friend, Co-Worker, Stranger at the Grocery Store, Former Soccer Mom, and Pro-Life Advocate
PS - When people talk about Pro-Choice, I wish what they meant was choose to be responsible, choose a reliable method of birth control, or choose to abstain from sex.
Choose life.