Dear mom.

Dear mom,
You make me feel unloved.
I know that that is not your intention, it never was and I fully understand that. But that does not stop the pain from hurting, that does not make the wounds you caused by your own hand heal. Most of this anger comes from how I was treated as a child. You are a different person now but I never got an apology for that. That little girl inside me is still in pain, that little 5 year old girl. Standing terrified of her own mother in her own room. She was not safe, she NEVER felt safe. You ripped her safety from her and now she is a terrified adult. She trusts no one, not even herself. But I can move past all that. I could pick myself up, brush myself off and heal my own self. If it wasn't for the new wounds being opened every FUCKING day by the exact same monster that cut me open just in a new form. You did not stop you merely switched weapons. I'm constantly criticized and put down while I'm trying to traverse this new weird world. A world that you were supposed to help me move through. Instead I am being forced deeper into an ocean of fears without a lifejacket and being made fun of when I start to drown! I feel unloved in the only house I have ever known and at this point I don't think anywhere else is any better. This world is going to shit. I genuinely fear for my life in my own hands and if I somehow make it out of here I hope I'm happy and FAR away from you.
06/11/23