Lifestyle

Dear Mr. Jeffries, Hi there. It's me, Amy. We've never met, but since it seems we won't be sitting at the same lunch table (or crossing paths in your stores) anytime soon, I thought it was important that you get to know me if you're going to hate me. I'm one of the two out of three Americans you can't stand and don't want in your stores. I'm your neighbor. Your doctor. The young woman working behind the hotel check-in desk. I'm your child's third grade teacher. Your sister's best friend. I'm the veterinarian who saved your dog's life...twice. And the lady sitting next to you on the flight to Los Angeles. I'm the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. I'm the housewife with one heck of an expendable income. I'm the 13-year-old teetering on the verge of an eating disorder. And the 22-year-old...
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Dear guys, It's time for us to have a little talk. You are all almost adults now, and that requires some adjusting. Things change when you come home, and that's where this letter really begins: two of you don't live here anymore, you visit. While you've been out in the world, I've been figuring out my new path. So let's get a few things cleared up. While I was clearly born to be your mother, I was not born your mother. I evolved into it, through many years of trial and error, highs and lows, and a lot of love. This progression is critical to our future understanding of each other. I was not born a mom; I became one. I had an important life before you, and now as you each leave me, to figure out your own paths, I'm figuring out mine. It's the me that comes after all the fun of...
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Dear Hank, I've been watching vlogbrothers for years, and during my college days your Crash Course videos have helped me through many of my science classes. Your brother John is a great author -- I read and watched The Fault in Our Stars. I think it is great that both of you are doing so much to create meaningful discussions around the world and educate others about a variety of topics. During one of your biology videos, when you went over the process of digestion, you mentioned that amino acids are the building blocks of protein. You said that we can get these amino acids from plants, or we can eat animals and our body will then have to break that back down into amino acids before building usable proteins for us. Most teachers and textbook overlook this step in the process. You...
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Dearest Cupid, I have to say, I'm a little concerned. Mostly because you look like you're two years old and you're flying around shooting unsuspecting bystanders with a bow and arrow. Like, since when is that acceptable behavior? I think you need to tone down the violence just a tad. Or maybe you need a bottle and a nap. So, I did a little research on you, Cupid – a background check, if you will. And you are not as innocent as you look, little one. It has been said that the weapon that you so nonchalantly carry around is rumored to be pretty strong, and anyone who gets shot by your arrow is supposedly overcome by uncontrollable desire. Oh, please sign me up for that. And yet, here you are, in your diaper, swinging that thing around like it's a damn Fisher-Price toy. In fact,...
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Dear Boss, You were magnificent the other night – performing with U2 for World AIDS Day – and further establishing yourself as the ultimate "guest" lead singer/band leader. And congratulations on another productive and fulfilling year. You turned 65 and kept your foot on the gas. After wrapping up another worldwide tour with the E Street Band in May, you released – an illustrated book (Outlaw Pete), a short film in which you directed and acted (Hunter of Invisible Game), a re-mastered box set spanning your first 7 albums, more official live downloads, and made your acting debut in a TV series (Lilihammer). You also continued your unwavering support for Veterans with honorable performances at Stand-Up for Heroes and The Concert for Valor. And to close out last month, you lent your...
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Dear Oprah Winfrey, This weekend I was moved, inspired and challenged by your The Life You Want Weekend in Washington D.C. Your two-day event more than lived up to its expectations and was exactly what I needed. For this, I humbly thank you. I felt blessed to be in the presence of greatness and surrounded by an energy of love and hope. My heart was open and each of your speakers filled me with vibrancy and inspiration. I am especially filled with gratitude because I walked away from this weekend understanding EXACTLY the direction I need to take my life and my writing. Ironically though, this understanding is the direct result of NOT hearing what I wanted and perhaps needed to hear from your trail blazers. Your speakers spoke to so many parts of my heart and yet somewhat...
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Dear Governor Christie, I write to you today to implore you to step down as governor of the great state of New Jersey. I am willing to allow for the possibility that you knew nothing of the politically vengeful closure of lanes on the George Washington Bridge. Perhaps your fragile screen of plausible deniability, while stretching credulity, does not entirely rise beyond some legal bar of reasonable doubt. Perhaps, as you have claimed, your team really did keep you in the dark as to what they were conspiring to do on your behalf. We do not know because all we have at this point is your unequivocal denial of any knowledge of the conspiracy, which seems like a fallback position coming so fast on the heels of a similarly unequivocal denial of any involvement on the part of your team and...
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My Dear Ex-Friend, This is likely a letter that you have never in a million years expected to see. We haven't been friends in so many years that you probably thought I had never thought about you anymore. Clearly, based on the fact that I'm even writing this letter, that's not true – with you or any of my ex-friends, ex-boyfriends or even past "enemies". In our relationships, we all leave marks on one another. Whether they are good or bad, we still remember those marks to some degree either consciously or unconsciously. As for the two of us, it seems that we left plenty of bad marks on each other during the few years that we were friends back during our school days. Competitive. Critical. Putting each other down. Calling each other names. Whenever we were together there always...
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Dear Henry, This letter is a response to your article on LA Weekly called "Fuck Suicide" (and your subsequent apology). This is my seventh attempt to write this letter. The previous six were, honestly, just bad. The first one played pretty heavily on how long I've been a fan. The second talked about how your music, books and spoken word brought me a comfort for being an alien in society when I was a teenager. The third, fourth and fifth all tried to establish just how strange an occurrence it is to all of my friends that I write a hero of mine a letter trying to educate him on a perspective he lacks. The sixth, while bad, was actually a decent take. It did a fine job of establishing just how long I've been involved with your work, how influential you were to me, how much of my...
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Hey money, It's strange to be writing a letter to you, but we have a relationship so this needs to be addressed. You can't live without me and I can't live without you. Without me you would just sit there in a pile with nowhere to go, no place to explore. For me, without you it would be much the same. Without you I would be hungry, clothes-less, and most likely homeless. Now that we have admitted to needing one another it's time we get this relationship on the right foot. No more you tricking me and hiding from me. And I will stop taking advantage of you and expecting you to be there ready and waiting at my every need. So what do we do old friend? I guess first off I need to see you as that, a friend. Even if you aren't always capable you try to always be there for me. That...
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