Dear Mr McLachlan,
I write to you as the mother who was with her 18-year-old daughter passing through the Hawthorn Junior Football Club luncheon at The Glenferrie Hotel on Friday, September 25. Yes, the one whom MC, Billy Brownless, referred to in a “throw away line” by saying: “here comes the strippers”.
Since going public with this abhorrent, most embarrassing confrontation, there has been a groundswell of support on social media, aligned to articles written by journalists from various mediums far and wide. This outrage and support says to me that maybe now is an opportune time to professionally address respect for women from those within the AFL community; a good place to start given we, the public, hold these athletes in such high esteem.
This is no longer about Billy...
Lifestyle
Hello You,
First of all, I love you. I know you're doing the best you can today. I'm sure things feel tough, your body feels tight, and you're not necessarily interested in hearing from me. But I'm the swift kick you need today. Girl, get yourself to a f*cking yoga class.
You need to balance out the aggression of your morning runs and loud group-fitness classes where house music and the instructor's voice pound in your skull. I know you'd rather go to a workout where you have to step outside yourself to make it through and complete the session; this is exactly why you have to go to yoga. Today. The times when you don't want to roll out your mat to practice are the moments when you need it the most. Trust me on this one. I know you.
I know you're busy, stressed, and pressed for...
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Dear Pope Francis,
I pray for you every day, because your pastoral responsibility is so daunting, and even if you are Pope, you are still only human. I have had the opportunity to be chief pastor and bishop to a faithful flock (albeit so very much smaller than yours), and it is an awesome responsibility. It is also a blessing and an honor to serve, is it not?
There has been a bit of a kerfuffle in the last 24 hours due to reports that a senior Vatican official is offended, on your behalf, by my invitation to the White House on Wednesday to welcome you to America. Sister Simone Campbell, one of the nuns working day in and day out on behalf of the poor, is lumped in with me as a purported offense to you.
Based on your saintly ministry so far as Pope, I have to suspect that this...
5,559
Dear Aimee,
So the latest thing (why is there always a latest thing) is that a white man used a Chinese name to submit poems that were then chosen for Prairie Schooner and then included in Best American Poetry 2015 which of course has a lovely poem of yours in it too! Your first appearance, you said. The scandal no one is talking about (because they are talking about Michael Derrick Hudson’s appropriation of the name Yi-Fen Chou and judge Sherman Alexie’s ridiculous justification for including the poem) is that somehow this is your first time in that book? When you’ve been producing some of the most beautiful (and widely read) books of contemporary poetry now for more than ten years?
It calls into question of course, the notion of “best,” everyone knows that. Everyone knows these...
2,597
Dear Stranger,
I miss you. I miss texting you about every single stupid thing that happens in my life. I miss the way people would ask me where you were when you weren’t with me because it was a known fact that we were a packaged deal. I miss laughing with you and all of our inside jokes. I miss sending you heinous Snapchats and FaceTiming you from the bathroom. I miss looking over at you and knowing exactly what you are thinking. I miss your family and the way you used to fill me in on their daily happenings. I miss knowing that at the end of the day I had you, that when push came to shove, no matter how bad the situation might be, I knew you would be there. I miss my person, my other half and my best friend.
I hate that when people ask me how you are doing, and I genuinely don’t...
2,235
Dear Extrovert,
First, let me start by thanking you for being in my life. You are the yang to my yin. You get me out more, meeting new people, having new experiences and stretching my comfort zone. You help color my external world with a vast richness that I would never find on my own. In return, hopefully, I show you the vibrant colors that exist inside you. I am an expanding being partly because of you and I am eternally grateful.
But there are some things I need to get off my chest. Because I care deeply about you, I'm afraid that if I tell this to your face, I will see the hurt in your eyes and end up taking back what I really meant or making up half-truths to soften the blow. I'm afraid you won't understand and my feeble verbal attempts to explain it will only make it sound...
2,369
Dear Party City,
Having just finished perusing your website for Halloween costumes for my three-year-old daughter, I am writing in the hopes that you will reconsider some of the content on your website and the antiquated views such content communicates about your company’s beliefs. In order to understand my concerns, please direct your attention to the ‘toddler costumes’ portion of your website. Compare, for instance, the ‘classic’ costumes offered for boys and girls.
doowop_cowgirl_costumeAs you can see, the classic costumes for boys include 53 assorted options, ranging from traditional vampire attire to a ‘rascal pirate’ to 16 costumes relating to possible occupations. Meanwhile, the classic costumes for girls include 45 options, ranging from a ‘vampire queen’ to a ‘precious pirate’...
2,622
Dear Acquaintances,
If you find you are listed below, please reconsider your grasping, clasping inclinations.
Friend of a friend that I’ve met only once
and now encounter at another party
One conversation about the weather and an old movie we both saw doesn’t mean we are on a hugging basis. Or that we know each other. Or that I like you. You know what? I lied to you. I don’t like rainy days. They are depressing. And I hated that movie. Julia Robert’s teeth are too big and she reminds me of a horse. And once a horse bit me. No shit. Right on the shoulder. That sucker just stretched his big head right out of the stall and chomped on down. So big teeth are freaky, and I hate all of Julia Robert’s movies. And what I mean by that story is keep your grubby mitts off of me....
2,048
Dear Concerned Spouse,
I'll be quick—I know you have a lot on your mind this morning—but there are two things I want you to think about before you search for your spouse's name on Ashley Madison.
1. Do you really want to know? Many people who were cheated on and found out—because they discovered evidence, because the cheater unburdened themselves (and burdened their spouse), because a couples counselor insisted the cheater disclose, because the cheater/cheatee/counselor all fell for the hype about honesty always being the best policy—later expressed regret about finding out. If the affair was discreet ("on the down low, under the radar, careful") and an isolated incident (a single infidelity/affair, not serial adultery/numerous affairs) many cheatees will tell you (lots have told me...
2,152
I have probably rewritten and deleted this message a total of 7 times. Meanwhile, I have given you over double that number in chances, which is way more than you ever deserved. This time, I am deciding to keep this message as is, even though I am unsure that you even deserve these typed words.
I can recall our many memories as if the years haven't passed. The laughs, tears, celebrations, and more are still embedded in my mind. Most are repressed now, and you rarely make way into my thoughts. However, when you do, I will not lie, a part of me still hurts, and I miss you. That's the worst part. You were in my life for a specific infinity, which I thought would actually last my entire infinity. You made it seem as though that would be the case, and I made the mistake of believing you.
Do...
2,784