Lifestyle

Dear people between the ages of 25 and 40, As we near retirement, Mom and I wanted to write you kids to share a few thoughts about the lives we've lived and the world we've left behind for you. We feel this is necessary because at first glance it might seem like we are a generation of narcissistic, spoiled assholes who freeloaded off of the magnificent world our parents built for us and then cashed out before handing it over to you. This is an unfair characterization. It disregards the fact that we earned the right to do those things. We earned them by being awesome. Haven't you seen the films of us marching around protesting The Man in the sixties? Or the Woodstock footage that documents the way we changed the world with drugs, bad music, and indiscriminate fucking? We didn't cash out...

Dear Beach Goers, I just want you to know, I didn’t picture it going this way. I’ll admit, there were times in my life when I wanted to flaunt my stuff. That was a pre-mom time when showers flowed like cheap wine and when shaving wasn’t designated to “top priority areas”. When I headed to the lake this morning, I pictured sunbathing in that lounged position that is flattering on everyone. Instead I found myself racing back and forth across the entire beach like a hyper Golden Retriever chasing my children. I’m sure it was very sexy. And let’s talk about all the bending over. Listen. I have no idea what my butt looks like from that position. But you do. And I’m sorry. Today, I was reduced to a lifeguard on steroids. I didn’t want to be that lady yelling at her kids. (‘For the LOVE...

Hi, all: I hope you survived the oppressive heat and humidity and found some news to report from the convention. If you did, you and your producers are even more industrious and creative than I thought. I say that because I went to Tampa to report on the GOP convention and ended up at nothing more than a grand old party. So when I wandered into one of your huge work spaces and peeked into another, I wondered: what exactly was everyone doing? It got me thinking: when the summer of 2016 rolls around, maybe you would want to rethink your convention coverage and find a more creative, more meaningful way to spend the hundreds of thousands (millions?) it will cost you to send huge teams to Philadelphia and Cleveland and to house and feed them once they get there. (More about that in...

DEAR MINISTER, My daughter Hazel (5) and I recently had an interesting exchange concerning our education system which I feel compelled to share with you. To grasp the true beauty of this exchange, please take a moment to study the image below. Hazel: What are the kids doing mammy? Mammy: They’re thinking inside the box. Hazel: I thought they were sleeping? Mammy: (spluttering into mug and laughing) some of them might be! Hazel: I’m going to draw in eyes so they look like they’re awake. Mammy: OK, good idea. Inside the Box Hazel: Can I draw in the boxes? Mammy: Yep Hazel: What do you want them to be thinking? Mammy: (who is also a teacher) Anything they want! Hazel: (drawing) This boy is thinking about a cat zebra. Mammy: Wow! Hazel: (whispering) …and he’s dreaming about...