When are you going to tell her?

Subject: When are you going to tell her?
From: GS.
Date: 18 Nov 2022

I have thought about her as much as i have thought about you. I have thought about her finding out everything about us. Our secret texts, our secret promises, our secret time, our secret. The truth is: I wanted to be more than her. In a sense that right now, i don't know what exactly was i going for. I wanted to be at her place and in my place at the same time. I fantasized about her hurting just because i was hurt. I daydreamed about you thinking of me when you were with her, just like you said you would do. And i admit, it boosted my ego, just like you knew it would. I didn't put myself in her shoes as i had should. I put myself above her, just because i could and you let me. I didn't saw her as a human, only a thing i needed to get out of my way. I didn't saw her as a woman, as society would point the finger at us both instead of pointing at you. I didn't saw her as your girlfriend, as someone who had been with you, did things for and to you. I didn't saw her at all, all because i was too busy looking at only myself. Why do i want you so much still while you are still with her? Why do i want to go back and get hurt the same way i was? The hold of what could have been keeps me wanting to get back at you just to see.