Waiting for my end

i am scared. i am in constant agony. all through the day, i fight not to cry. at night, its my routine to cry myself to sleep. am questioning my life every time I breathe. its not possible for me to share this with anyone. i don't have lot of money to afford a psychologist to talk to. i end up googling ways to die, all the time. i just hope oneday i get the courage and opportunity to end things for good. i have been feeling like this since 7 months. and i feel am affecting people because of my behaviour. there's no point left for me. i don't see hope for myself. i am in trauma 24/7 and it's getting worse. time doesn't heal everything, it sometimes progressively degenerates. i hope i can die soon.